This I Believe

Erika - Santa Maria, California
Entered on July 3, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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I Believe in an Affectionate Hug

Years ago, I fell into deep depressions which ruined my life but I decided to keep it a secret because my family was broken. This caused me to be confused about myself and I wasn’t a normal girl. Unlike me, my friends were typical teenagers who liked to have fun. I felt lonely, without a purpose in life. I couldn’t breathe from the panic attacks that consumed me because of the darkness that fell over my soul.

I was a typical daddy’s little girl who was excited to see, her father. I jumped into his strong arms and hugged him with all my soul, until my heart filled with love. The last phrase I remember repeating until I was five is “This is my beautiful daddy.” However, his love turned out to be nothing more than I black hole in my soul.

I was afraid to tell my mother about my problem because she always was stressing out. I chose to remain silent and in a black hole. I needed my mom to hold me with her arms, but she was never there for me. I just held my pillow with all my strength, watching the night sky go by through my small window, waiting for somebody to rescue from my terrible pain.

That night was a special night because I had a wonderful dream. I appeared in a strange place; it seemed to be different world. The walls were as white as the snow, and the floor was soft, as if I was standing on clouds. I continued walking, until when I saw a very long, narrow road. Later, I perceived a presence coming toward me, but I couldn’t see very clear because it was foggy; as I walked, I could smell aromatic flowers here and in my body, soul, and spirit. When I saw the figure of the man with his open arms towards me, his dress was long white and his feet covered. He didn’t have a mouth, eyes, ear, or nose, but I could hear a sweet voice, and an echo when calling me with an ocean sound. His arms were open for me that I jumped on his strong-arms and leaned my head on his shoulder, and with affection he hugged me. I felt pure love filling up all my body from my head to my toes when I started cried like the rain. Then he said, “I have to go”, and tears covered my face “please don’t go nobody will hug me like you do” I said. So I woke up with my arms up and tears ran over my face and pillow. Since then, I felt that I am a new person, and all my depression disappeared.

I believe that an affectionate hug gave me a purpose and joy to my life. Now, I say thank you to everyone who gave me a hug and hope you give a hug to a person who is feeling hopeless.