This I Believe

Jerilyn - Lompoc, California
Entered on July 3, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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I believe all fathers should be in their daughter’s life

As I walked up the last step of the greyhound bus, and sat in the big plush burgundy seat, my heart sank. I felt sick to my stomach. It was as if I had gotten a bad case of the flu. Tears filled my big brown eyes as thoughts of moving to sunny California continued to flow through my ten year old brain. “Would I ever see or hear from him again?” is the question I continued to ask myself. Months and years went by, and the question I pondered was finally answered. No, I didn’t see or hear from my father for the next seven years.

Growing up with my mother and two younger sisters, I found myself constantly looking for that missing male figure. I knew there should have been a man in our home. A paradigm was set; my sisters displayed the same behavior as I done so in the past. There are some things in life that even the most powerful woman cannot teach her daughters. I believe females are designed to need fulfillment from a male in certain areas of their lives. God has orchestrated both male and female to live in the home, because it allows their offspring to receive moms’ comfort and warm touch, dads’ masculine hugs, and guidance and mentorship from both parents.

I finally met the man that God has for me. After several years, He sent someone into my life to give me what my soul was longing and hoping for. I unconsciously expected this man to fulfill areas in my life that had missing links. I didn’t know exactly what I needed from him, but I knew I required some type of satisfaction. I went into this relationship with unrealistic expectations from someone who was most certainly clueless to the deep, dark wounds that were imbedded in my subconscious mind for many years. I expected this man to do things for me that he was apparently oblivious to. I should have never expected him to fulfill the emptiness I felt in my heart that was created by the man who God initial placed in my life. My impractical hope negatively affected my relationship with the one person who showed his barefaced love for me. I eventually expressed my feelings and thoughts to him. He couldn’t understand this situation because it was something he never experienced before. We cherished one another devotion and commitment and desired to seek to understand what was eating away at my heart. I eventually received therapy to work through my personal underlying issues. Now I can say my relationship is wonderful and my needy feeling no longer exists.

I truly believe if my father was actively participating in my life from birth until death, I would have not looked for the manly guidance or comfort in another man. I feel I would have been more self-confident and knowledgeable of what to expect out of a relationship with the man of my dreams, my husband.