This I Believe

Rennice - Greenville, North Carolina
Entered on June 19, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe that every struggle prepares you what has yet to come. For five years I was in an emotional struggle with myself. Do I continue to blame myself or do I forgive myself, and move on? Before transferring to East Carolina University, I attended the University of Iowa. I was on an academic and athletic scholarship for soccer. After graduating high school in 2001, my parents moved to Greenville, North Carolina and I went to Iowa for the summer for a program geared to minorities who were interested the science field. Iowa was not my first choice in schools, but my parents thought it would be the best place, and that is when my problems arose.

I quickly made friends in Iowa because of all of the practice I had from moving around when my dad was in the army when my brothers and I were young. But my troubles would soon take place. On the night of September 10, 2001, I was sexually assaulted by someone who supposed to be my friend. From that night on I blamed myself. I told myself that it was my fault that I chose to drink, and from choosing to drinking I caused the incident even though the only thing I remember is wanting and asking him to take me home. I did not tell anyone, and thought I could handle it, but I could not. School was stressful, and soccer which was once an outlet for stress was causing even more stress on me. I began to make poor decisions in drinking and who I was hanging out with. I was also falling deeper into depression. I eventually decided to go home to Greenville, but my problems were still there. I met knew friends but did not share with them my issues until I felt so low that I decided to try and end my life. That was the turning point. After that night, I decided that the only way to go was up, and God had a purpose for me. I decided to stop blaming myself. I started to believe that I was meant to go through the struggle.