This I Believe

Kalina - palm desert, California
Entered on June 1, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Over the years I have gone through, experienced, and learned from many obstacles. The toughest to overcome, I thought was moving here to Palm Desert. Moving only meant that I’d now be even farther from my father than I already was. Being twelve at the time, I really had no say in anything. Six years have gone by since then. I have dealt with it and overcame the issue. Though now I realize that moving away further from my dad wasn’t necessarily the issue. The issue soon became everything from those six years leading up to today. The issue was and still is the “family” I was chosen to live with. My main obstacle in life became my mom and step father.

I believe that family isn’t necessarily the people that you live with. It is automatically assumed that the ones that care for you most are the people you live with, also known as your “immediate family”. But to me, family is what you make it. Even though I had to live with my mother and step father, the only person I can consider apart of my family would have to be my father. True family is there for you until the end no matter what, risking their lives and anything they have just for your sake. And they actually take the time to consider your thoughts and feelings.

What I despise the most is the fact that our relationship fluctuates. One day we can be the best of friends and I can tell her anything and it seems like she really understands. And so abruptly she’ll break her promises. This whole thing is just a routine that I constantly fall for.

Having lived with my mother my entire life, I have learned that she can be difficult and at times challenging and even hypocritical at times. I do love her with all my heart, but everyone has to love their mother no matter what. For as long as I can remember, she has put me through some major stress. But this trouble didn’t really hit me until high school. My mom and my step father had and extreme impact in my life. It was a struggle have to live under this roof of theirs. Things soon started getting to the point where I would just became physically and emotionally sick. At times this would lead to me having panic attacks.

Even though there was a distance from my father and me, he was the only person that I felt safe going to with my problems at home. Through all the pain and lies he was there to help me through and recover. My mother and I could never have the bond that my dad and I have. I could never talk to my mother and discuss something the way I do with my father. The difference is my father understands me and my mother chooses to understand. It is unforturnate that my mother and I will never fully share what me and my father share.

In the end, all of this has brought my dad and me closer.

My family is my Father.