This I Believe

Renee - Mesa, Arizona
Entered on May 19, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Life as it Comes

My parent always said that if you set goals in your life, you would exceed on life. So at a very young age I was taught to set goals for myself. By the time I was four years old I knew that I wanted to be in the medical field, that is my life goal and I met that goal by the time I was 17. I’m hoping in a few years I will meet my life dream and that is to become a neonatal nurse and a to become a mother of two.

One can set life goals and dreams, however very few people meet or exceed those goals and dreams. I, myself set life goals and dreams and I believed I would complete those goals and dreams. In recent years, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot meet all of my goals or dreams as easily as I was hoping too. I have learned to accept this conclusion too, even though I want to run and hide from it, I never wanted to come in contact with this conclusion.

When I was 15 years old I was diagnosed with diabetes and that altered my life a complete 360 degrees. Being diagnosed with diabetes was a scaring and unique feeling. At first it did not scare me, but recently I found out I may not be able to have children. Or what my doctor has stated I may not be able to have children easily or without bringing harm to my future baby and myself.

I want to run away, hide and pretend this day. This nightmare to my life never came; this nightmare will haunt me until the day I die. I want to hide of the reality of this, pretend I am a healthy person. I need, and I want to be in my own little bubble of a world, where I can have children with ease and the feeling that I can bring life into this world without harming myself.

Yes, I was taught my youth pastor to take “life as it comes,” but I do not want to take my life as it comes anymore. I fear what else is to come in my life.