This I Believe

Nikki - Antelope, California
Entered on May 15, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

This time and age people suffer, people die horribly, people get annoyed, and people become lonely. I was Seven years old when this happened to me. My best four-legged friend had died. I went from perfectly content to depressed. I lost so much, a week later my aunt Tamara died. I remember sitting at her funeral, it felt like years to my nine-year-old cousin and me. If only that was the end.

Years flew by and I was an addict to drugs, sex, alcohol, and cutting, which is what my aunt had died from. I hid that life from the world. I believed in the easy way out, I could quit anytime I wanted to, but I couldn’t. If one door closes you better find a breakable window and a softball bat, there is NO easy way out. That’s what I now believe.

For me, I jumped, and I ran from my past. I decided I want to live, I want to try, I want another chance. I now live and I try every single day to become a better me, and it’s working. I still make mistakes, but that’s because I’m human, not a plastic Barbie doll. I want to create my own story of my own life. I don’t want someone else to write it for me. Yes pages will be blank in my story, that I know for sure, but at least now I can say, “That’s my story, no one wrote it but me. I lived my life. I didn’t let anybody else live it for me. I lived.” And I continue to live every day of my life.

I’ve had drawbacks, but who honestly hasn’t. I’ve gone through drug and booze withdrawals and cutting withdrawals. I felt as if I was dying even more on the inside until my wonder yet completely heartless psychology teacher, Mr. Simmas taught me it was all in my head. I became the strongest person in the world sophomore year. I felt like the female version of Hercules. I could carry the world in my arms and nothing could bring me down, but a boy. Yes, teenage love, the affection that attract a crotch to a heart, eventually a dead broken heart. Good thing I couldn’t feel anything, but his hands in mine. Yea, I’m pathetic, I know, but he’s my “first love” but he helped me and he never knew. When I jumped out that window I fell into his arms. His arms disappeared and his smile faded, but I went on, into the sunset.