This I Believe

Sabrina - vacacville, California
Entered on May 2, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
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Snapping Back to my True Colors

I believe that each person has an inner person, someone who they truly are, no matter how they grew up. This inner person is only part of each person; it is the core. The core person does not entail beliefs or opinions, but rather whether a person is more opinionated than apathetic, or a fighter more than a pacifist. The core and inside of each person decides whether they are emotional, or if they don’t show their emotions much. Different experiences and hardships in a persons life adds to the core, creating a more whole individual as life goes on.

This core person cannot be changed, no matter the experiences in life. A child that grows up in an abusive household will be different than he would be if he had grown up in a happy, loving family. He would be different, but he would still be himself and the same core person. This boy would still like basketball and hate silence. A person can try to not be themself or change their core person, but it is difficult and nearly impossible. It is like a rubber band; we can change ourselves to a point, but we will always come back to being ourselves when the rubber band snaps back to normal.

Growing up I had a hard time fitting in, and my late elementary school years were the hardest. I didn’t have friends and knew nothing about fashion or life. To help me become the perfect, popular girl my mother wanted me to be, she had some of my classmates take me to the mall. I awkwardly followed these almost complete strangers, also being forced by their parents to take me in. We went into stores and they had me try on clothes. I remember putting on a shirt and one of the girls remarking that I would have to wear it with dark pants. I had no idea what she meant and asked, “What are dark pants?” She had me take off the shirt and took me to a jeans store where I tried on dozens of tiny, tight, fancy, dark jeans. In the end I bought a thirty dollar pair of jeans that I never liked.

I tried to copy the “pretty girls” and fought for an encouraging smile. No matter how I tried, I could never be their friend or hang with their group. I couldn’t go to their parties and drink; I couldn’t skip doing my homework. No matter how I wished or tried I could never be them.

Later on I found friends who accepted me and I learned to find myself. I found that I love shopping, but hate the mall. I won’t pay thirty dollars for a single pair of jeans and I always search for the best deals. I am not friends with people on the football team or cheerleaders; I am friends with the typical “nerds” and I love them. I love doing my homework as soon as I get home, and I enjoy cleaning to make my mother happy. I love coloring in princess coloring books and watching kids movies. No matter how I used to try to change this, I came back and in the end, embraced it. I found what gives me true happiness and ultimately, my true colors. I stretched my rubber band and eventually snapped back; I discovered myself by trying hard to avoid it.