This I Believe

Kaelin - Golden, Colorado
Entered on April 30, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
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This I Believe

Why do people hold grudges? Is it because they can’t forgive or is it because it is their first instinct that tells them, after what she did how am I even supposed to talk to her?

This scenario goes on all the time, every second of the day for adults, teenagers, and young children. Whether it is, “She stole my swing at recess” or way more personal than that, we all have experiences that cause us to question forgiveness. But the reality is, it is up to you and whether or not you are able to forgive, or if you want to hold that mistake against them and show you think it was wrong.

In the past few years I have been questioned with this wavering decision, whether or not to forgive, a few times. With friends changing schools and making life changing decisions it is hard to know how to deal with it. A few years ago I found out that one of my friends was on drugs, anorexic, and getting into all kinds of trouble. I could tell she was depressed and occasionally I would try to bring up the big question, “Why aren’t you stopping?” Her answer would always simply be, “Stop doing what? Im doing nothing wrong, and I certainly don’t have a problem that I need to stop?”

This summer when we traveled to Africa together I saw a side of her that was happy and showing how much potential she really had, but then it went away. She started going behind my back and doing things she knew were wrong. When I told her to stop she would just get mad and started to draw her trust away from me. I was so upset with her that she would not listen to anyone and most of all she would not admit she had a problem. Then I realized, “Why waist this entire trip being mad at her?” This was when I had to stop keeping score, holding things against her that made it a battle for me to be nice to her. I then began to be accepting and forgiving of her because she knew where I stood on her problems and if she ever needed help she could come to me.

This experience let me realize that holding a grudge against her would not only bring her down but make me constantly upset. She allowed me to realize that friends may disappoint you but if you keep score your really hurting both of you. This I believe.