This I Believe

Keisha - Skokie, Illinois
Entered on April 30, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

I used to imagine how my first kiss would go. It would happen outside, preferably on a balcony or maybe a rooftop deck. It would be with a really hot guy with a broad back and defined arms like Jack from Lost. A hot guy that I knew and liked and he would kiss me and it would be like magic. But magic was not in the cards for me that Halloween weekend my freshman year. Instead I was a slightly intoxicated beach bride with fake flowers crowning my hair dancing with a boy wearing an Afro. He was going for the ‘70s look and he was looking for things a boy looks for. No way was I going to let anything happen but I did let him kiss me. See, I believe in rules, but only 95% of the time.

So I don’t regret the fact that I “wasted” my first kiss even though it didn’t go as planned. A part of me kissed Afro boy because I was 18, never been kissed and a little tired of that fact. Another part of me kissed a nameless boy because I wanted to do something I thought I would never do. It was a different experience, something totally beyond the safe box I generally like to keep myself in. I’m a believer in rules and making lists of thing I’d never ever do. They are useful and necessary 95% of the time. But, see, I also believe that sometimes it’s nice to get out of that box and just live and learn. I have to allow my rules to evolve and grow with me. Safe box me would have put kissing a nameless boy with an Afro on the list of things I would never ever do, but allowing that kiss to happen told me a couple of things about myself. I like having fun. I like having new experiences. I have no problem doing things that safe box me would never have done. So now my rule for kissing boys goes like this: “enjoy it!”

I have other rules. “Submit assignments on time.” “Only get drunk once a month, and with friends that bring me home.” “Go to Church on Sundays.” “Don’t tell mom things that will make her worry.” “Don’t put myself in situations that could blow up in my face.” And “when in doubt, call a friend.” I follow them because I know that when I made them in my head, I did so for my own good. I also know that this list of rules of mine is not the final word. Live life to the fullest, as the cliché goes. My rules allow me to survive this world so that I may go on living. However, if my rules encumber me from experiencing life in all its complicated gore and glory, then I know that I should just chuck them, amend them later, and go on kissing.