This I Believe

Stephanie - Bellevue, Kentucky
Entered on April 28, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Sometimes drowning in self is healthy. Being angry and feeling sorry for self can be freeing. Raging in the lifetime of unfairness is the best learning experience the self could ever have.

I have spent many years in my life sad. My parents seemed to be a bit hard on me. Never there, you know? I wasn’t hugged enough, I wasn’t loved enough. Yes, they working hard to better our future, and sure they did it to give us opportunity. They still made me sad, I still cried; does that make me bad? Why am I so selfish? I have been sad that I missed out on a life I could have had if they didn’t make me so sad.

I have been sad in relationships I chose. I was not appreciated in my relationships. I was not loved and respected in my relationships. I have spent time sad in those relationships because maybe I missed out on a better life if I was not stuck in such an unfulfilling relationship. Well, sure I was blessed with 2 smart; beautiful children. Maybe my relations gave me life experiences sometimes that cannot be matched. Even still; I did not deserve to go through what I did. Why should I be the victim of a tired man’s struggle?

I have worked hard when I finally decided to work hard. I have been sad in the work place because I was not appreciated enough. I was not given enough. Yes, I admit I have not worked hard all of my life; and I had been lucky in opportunity. Still I have struggled in everything else, can’t something just come easy?

I was very sad when I began this. I was mad that I am not appreciated in my work place and my home. I feel I have given so much, without return. Well, sure my partner gives me everything he has. Sure I come home to surprise every now and then. He gets so selfish. Maybe I get selfish…but obviously I am stressed out! With my story, don’t I have a right?

Now I see my children beside me. They need this and that, and they are so loud and excited. I just don’t have time. I have this and that. This is not for me though. I am doing it for them. I want to secure them. Can’t they just learn to give me peace; I am struggling here? I am busy; I am worrying, and I am behind with everything and I am fighting with my partner and overwhelmed at work and it is all for them! For them to have it better than me! God why to I have to tell them twice? I am too tired to play; too tired to dote.

This I believe sounds all too familiar!