This I Believe

Matthew - Petoskey, Michigan
Entered on April 18, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Beliefs Inside Me

I believe in a free and open life with obstacles to overcome. My life has changed dramatically, over and over. Life as I know it is clearer to me everyday that I live it. Most of my past is dark and hidden in my mind. Every so often it comes out and haunts me. I believe I can overcome my fear of thoughts. Talking to others helps and taking medication numbs the schizophrenia. My mind travels in thoughts of understanding what is right and what is wrong. I believe in a better way of understanding myself. When I was born, I had many ways of learning in my life. They all help me accomplish my needs in life today.

I believe one day I won’t need medication for my mental disorder. Now the schizophrenia is a part of my life. The voices, and visions of another life, which is not mine will go away. I believe that life has its challenges that everyone has to go through. I heard from few others about common disorders such as mine. I just look into their words that I can see and feel. I can relate to the shit. I believe I see it right now as I am tinkering with my brain. My visions and thoughts are about another race living in a bad area of the city.

I believe much of my schizophrenia is caused from the drugs, but today being eight months clean and sober it still remains. Some day I will become victorious about my dreams of a better and clear train of thought. I believe I will remain a recovering addict and follow God’s will for me. Now that my brain cells are healing, I can see more to life then just my next fix. Life has roles to fulfill, but it needs no explanation for its change. What did I do wrong to earn a mental illness? I believe everything happens for a reason. I have a disease that can be a gift in some prospects. Verbally I do not show what goes on in my mental distractions that I have.

I believe my higher power will not give up on me. I have many goals in life to fulfill. A distraction will not put me to rest. Being clean and sober keeps me on track. Whatever happens in my life mentally or physically I know its for the right reason. Or is it? The life that I live today will only tell me what I could become tomorrow.