This I Believe

Jillian - Nashua, New Hampshire
Entered on April 16, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

Dwelling about the Past Does No Good for My Future

Everything happens for a reason, it is the saying I now live by. Whatever you do has an outcome, whether it’s good or bad you caused it to happen. When you chose to do something you know is not right, you should expect the outcome to be nothing to look forward to. When that outcome arrives, I just deal with it because I know that I brought it upon myself. When I think the saying everything happens for a reason, I do not mean it as in we all have an already planned out future. I think we chose our own futures. The things we do in our everyday lives effect everything we have to live for. Whether it’s failing a test or deciding to run that red light, these decisions will affect us.

Being a senior in high school you have many expectations. You have your future to think about. My future at the moment is pretty much up in the air. I never realized how serious school was until my senior year. I slacked off in school big time. If I had to choose between hanging out with friends and doing a big project, I would of chose my friends. Homework has never been a necessity to me either; there was always something more fun to do. My priorities have never been in order. Now I realize how much my decisions affected my future, but it’s too late. School was just a huge joke to me. If I could go back in time I would redo my school life since 7th grade. I can’t go back unfortunately and now I have to deal with what I brought upon myself. There are so many things I would love to be able to do and I just can’t or will have to work harder because of my lack of concern earlier. I wonder what I was thinking and why I didn’t try harder, but dwelling about the past does no good for my future.

My parents would nag me 24/7 about homework and studying. It used to drive me nuts! I would tell them how much I hated them for butting into my business and then run to my room and slam the door. I told them I had everything under control and I was all caught up, which really meant I will copy off another classmate tomorrow. Eventually, getting yelled at everyday and having extreme tension with my parents became a little overwhelming. All they wanted was for me to do my homework and not fail classes; I started doing what they wanted and was not doing too bad in school. I soon got bored with school again and I went back to my old not caring attitude. If I wanted to do good in school I would have to do it for myself, I was my only motivation.

This year has been a life changing year; I do not want to be the girl who didn’t go to college. I don’t want to be the girl at the high school reunion in ten years with nothing going for her. I want to be able to support myself in the future. I finally want to make good decisions for myself. This year I have studied for tests and done all my homework. I do not wait to the last second to complete things and I am less stressed because of it. All my hard work has paid off so far, and my parents are very proud of me. I get more respect from my parents now and to my surprise they give me a lot more freedom to do what I want.

I wish I have always thought about my future when making decisions in my past, maybe then I would have realized what I was actually doing to my future. Now that I am growing up, I have started to comprehend that I am not always going to be able to live at home. I won’t have my mom and dad to pick up my pieces and help me out with decisions. The time has come that I have to start making good choices and then I will start having good outcomes. I have not applied to any colleges and I do not know what I am going to do when high school ends. I am willing to change my choice now and hopefully it’s not too late this time. I chose to be a bad student, I chose to not apply to colleges, and I have chosen now to fix all my mistakes. It is possible and I will go to college and make something of myself. If I believe in myself and make good choices then good things will come from it. I believe everything happens for a reason.