This I Believe

max - Dallas, Texas
Entered on April 1, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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I believe Jesus was a magician. When I read the Gospel, I see a man. A magician, a trickster, and a smooth operator, but a man.

I believe that when Jesus attended the wedding in Canaan and the revelers ran out of wine, Jesus performed a trick as old as wine itself. I believe that Jesus enacted a filling of the casks with water, which he then mixed with the sediments that remained and produced a beverage that may not have in fact been wine, but sure seemed like wine to revelers already deep in their cups.

I believe that when Jesus seemed to walk on water, he stood upon a sandbar.

I believe that when Jesus appeared to raise Lazarus from the dead, he used resuscitation techniques that would not have seemed at all miraculous to skilled medical professionals.

I believe that if Jesus were confronted with a modern same-sex couple raising children well, he might not endorse their sodomy, but he would bless their family.

Because, I believe that there was nothing more immaculate in Jesus’ conception than the love that drives a righteous man to name as his son a babe who’s not a son of his own body. This is a mundane occurrence. It happens every day. It has happened every day back to ancient days and before.

I believe that Mary was raped or seduced into an unplanned pregnancy that was in no way her fault. This I believe also happens every day.

I believe that Jesus was one lucky bastard.

I believe that when Jesus appeared to die on the cross, he merely passed out and did not die in the way that death is currently defined.

I believe that when his side was pierced, the pillium broke skin and muscle and did no further insult. I believe that Jesus spontaneously recovered in the same way many seriously injured fit young men recover.

I believe that Jesus was mortal. I believe that he was born, lived, died, and after he died, he decomposed. I believe that his flesh went the way of all flesh in all its smelly corruption. I believe that the elements that composed him once have now diffused and blended with the world. I believe that whenever you eat, you eat a tiny speck of Jesus and whenever drink, you drink a minute drop of Jesus. This, I believe entirely solves the mystery of transubstantiation.

I believe that Jesus was Son of God in the exact and same way all all women are daughters of God and all men sons of God. But not one bit more than that.

I believe that when I deny the divinity of Jesus, I do no blasphemy and no sacrilege. Instead, I believe this denial allows me better to focus on Jesus’ message:

Be excellent to each other. Know your duty. Judge not, least ye be judged. Love the good in all people and forgive the bad. This I believe.