This I Believe

Magdeline - Queensbury, New York
Entered on March 19, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: family

My mother’s reason for retirement…

I believe that my mother left this earth to retire. She always worked so hard to keep the peace among everyone. She was so devoted to her children and family that I can only look back and sometimes feel sorry that she did little for herself. Yet she did not complain once. It seemed so natural and comforting for her to always be there for everyone that I became dependent on her in ways that I never knew. I can see now how exhausting that must have been.

While growing up she always gave the best advice that any mother would give their daughter to ensure health and happiness. So in turn I always counted on her with just about all that I did. I would call or visit her on a daily basis just to get feedback. I would not make any decisions without having some input from her, yet she would always end the day by saying “if lemons fell from the sky, then you must learn how to make lemonade.” The day she was diagnosed with cancer I knew that would all change. I now see that what she was telling me was to make the best of every situation and I can now add to that by saying “sometimes you must do it on your own.” Although she would have never said those few extra words.

I had to start making my own decisions and many were challenging, but as I looked at her during her last months of life I knew that if it was not for her I would not be able to feel confident in the choices that I made. She taught me the bond of a parent and a child is forever. I now see that she must have been tired of carrying the burden of always being the decision maker in our family.

Recently I moved away from the family that she taught me to be close with throughout all my years. I believe this is what she wanted. I know she is proud of what I have done. She did not want me to have the same life that she had, even though it did appear wonderful it must have been a daunting task. I can look back and reflect on all the times that she must have been worn out by all my calls.

As the mother of four daughters I must now help them in their decision making, however she has taught me thru death that I must not make the choices for them. She taught me the importance of family values, the bond of friendship, and most of all how to keep on living even after she was gone. I believe that she is now resting comfortably and I know that she is proud of what she gave, but I also believe that with her retiring from this earth was a way of telling me you are “finally on your own.”