This I Believe

Karen - St. Louis, Missouri
Entered on March 9, 2007
Age Group: 50 - 65


TIME a limited commodity to be spent wisely to the benefit of others and self, to the shimsy of infatuation, to reach the star, that one only a grasp away—the shade of time colored from preceding actions my own and matriarchs that came before.

It’s the hope of next season that makes my step quicken…my soul enthusiastic for tomorrow’s autumn…

…Greeting each season with open arms—to enjoy, embellish, hold closely—not tightly

Good-bye…it was fun…see you soon…bye bye…again sometime…maybe

Did I hear these words from my childhood, door shut tightly?…now words I say easily when my lover wants more.

Bode to the ones I love…in time there will be shedding of skin as this woman jerks herself into life’s third phase. Phase I the season of new love, first from Mother, later by young husband; then shrinking to the encores of verbal attacks told to me only for my own good, later the babies and the bachelor of arts.

My Phase II lovers were good men-their voices strong; delight came in watching my daughters become women, the corporate VP, the grocery store manager, the constant decorator mother of three.

Tomorrow begins September, life’s third Phase, IRA’s funded, house remodeled, calendar open to pages of possibilities. Colored pencils are sharpened ready to fill the monthly grids with each day’s shade – not always a hue pulled from the rainbow. I await.

Time henceforth – no time left for backstage pretenses…holding to the Puritan, or is it protestant work ethic? (my genes thank both)…work is good for the soul. Another day to pay for the company store. Wait, that store debt has been paid. What then? to contemplate? What has been overlooked by the speed of the days past?

Time yet to become what I cannot invision. To set goals, my habit has proven history. Everyday goals, giant ones too, well if not then mid-size, included most certainly bumpy, lumpy, lopsided and ones that glitter too—please never ordinary. Priorizing — holding tightly to the hands of my grandmothers, tripping, galloping, and leaping into mid air—meeting them halfway from heaven.

Quality comes with time–patience in knowing, wondering, hoping…good choices to me made as fashioned to me by my grandmother. Her assembling a matched set of Lenox crystal goblets from Scruggs, Vanderbelt, & Barney one a month times three years completes a sparkling table setting alongside Noritake china, and placed carefully on her own hand crochet tablecloth.

When my life’s calendar reads September, I’ll use my time to dance with my grandmothers’ graces, to listen closer to the rhythm of my soul–perhaps a baby step closer to whence I came.