This I Believe

Samantha - Mount Pleasant, South Carolina
Entered on March 6, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
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Over our heads, we hold the weight of an elephant that forcibly pushes down on us every minute and every second of every day. This force hits every part of our body and follows us everywhere we go. It’s called gravity. Sometimes I feel as though I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, well I guess I can be relieved that it’s only the weight of an elephant.

Being a teenager is hard work. I carry my own baggage, but my friend’s baggage is usually just as important to me, and therefore I end up worrying about theirs as well. These are the times when I feel like I can’t keep things together or hold the weight any longer; that I’m going to collapse into an empty hole or explode into a million pieces. There’s a term for this feeling too, its called stress.

Then the mind and the heart run before the senses and race to newfound problems that could only be fabricated among the many depths of insanity. In these depths of insanity, I began to reach new lows to find something in my life to control. I’m not exactly sure how, or when, or why it started but I chose to control my eating. I am anorexic and partially bulimic; because of this I have blood sugar problems and pass out occasionally. I question myself:

Does it ever end? If I drop my basket will it take the elephant down with it? Will hell ever go back down to where it’s supposed to be? Is the weight of the world something I can run from?…

Two words: Good Karma.

I kiss the roof when I see a “pop-eyed” car or if the light turns red when I’m still underneath it in hopes that one day the good spirit will catch up with me. I wear miss-matched socks everyday to ensure that I will not have bad luck again, for every time I wear matching socks a rain cloud hovers over my elephant-carrying shoulders. I drop a penny on heads at least once a day to try to make someone else believe in the hopes of good luck. When people do something to lose my trust, I still smile at them and wave in the halls with an occasional “How are you today?” to set a good slate if I ever screw someone else over. When someone looks as if they can’t do something alone, I try to take some of their baggage on me so someone might do the same for me someday.

Good karma can never be a bad thing; it can only improve the situation. With my eating, karma did eventually catch up to me and a friend caught me throwing up at Wild Wings. At first, I was upset. How could I do all these things and a bad cloud catch me? But getting caught was a good thing; I’m not sure where I would be without that cloud! Some people just call me superstitious, but when the weight of an elephant is on your shoulders, sometimes it’s a good thing to make sure you don’t end up with two.