This I Believe

Randolph - Dallas, Texas
Entered on March 5, 2007
Age Group: 50 - 65
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I believe in Knowing. But I don’t know much, so I have to believe more than I know.

When I was growing up, I put my faith in science as they way to solve all problems. My heroes were Newton, Einstein, Edison and Star Trek’s Spock was my ideal. Logic was all, and emotion was a detriment. But my faith in science directly conflicted with what I was taught in Catholic school, that God made the world, controlled our destinies and if you didn’t do as you were told you were going to be punished.

I was having trouble with high school geometry and one day sat down in a chair, vowing I would not move until I understood what it was all about. I read that “proof” over and over and over. Gradually, then suddenly, I understood it with a clarity, a certainty, a completeness that was new to me and satisfied me. I wondered what this experience was and if I could repeat it. At the time, I considered it logical thinking, but now I call it knowing.

I’d heard a man named Gottfried Leibnitz tried to develop a system of logic that would always result in correct conclusions, so as a graduate student, I took an advanced course in symbolic logic wondering if I would find what I was looking for. I was startled when the professor announced that some assertions could not be logically proved or disproved. A mathematician named George Cantor had actually gone mad trying to prove his “continuum hypothesis” not realizing it was not provable and not disprovable.

This discovery crushed me because it meant my belief that life’s problems could be solved mechanically with logic, went only so far. What could I depend on to answer all my nagging questions? I couldn’t believe in ‘God’ in the way I thought most people conceptualized that word, but I felt an urge to seek something.

In my searching I learned a meditation technique that brought me the “knowing” experience of clarity and completeness without the exercise of logic. My life became happier and I thought maybe I’d found what I was looking for, and in a way I had, though my problems and my questions didn’t disappear.

I used to believe that if I knew the right path I would take it because it was “logical.” Now that I’m older, I see that even if the right path is shown, I don’t always take it. With age I have become tired and lazy and believe I can’t figure it all out and with that belief I get a certain sanctioned irresponsibility.

But I always come back to my TM, my Hong Sau, my Kriya because they bring me closest to Knowing Bliss which is the best I can believe in and want to know.