This I Believe

Katherine - La Grange, Illinois
Entered on February 26, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: carpe diem
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Gramps

I believe that you must enjoy the good times when they are happening, because they will soon be gone.

When I was eleven years old my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer for the second time in three years. At the time I was young and naive, and I thought he would recover from this bout of cancer, mainly because he did so with the first. About three weeks into his chemotherapy the doctors realized that he was getting worse. The chemo was hurting him rather than helping him. A week later my family and I went to see him in the hospital. He was unconscious most of the time and when he woke up he couldn’t even focus on me or say my whole name. I was in denial that this was my Grandpa. My Gramps, who always took care of me and who played games with me when I was sick. I loved him so much, and I couldn’t accept the fact that he was dyeing. Two days after that last visit he died in hospice care at his home in Peoria.

I was so hurt I couldn’t socialize with anyone outside the family. I prayed every night that it was all a bad dream and that none of it had ever happened. When my prayers weren’t answered, I gave up, and gave into some form of depression. To this day when I look back at what I happened I feel so much remorse that I didn’t spend more time with him his last few years. I cannot get over that fact that I wasted all the time that I had with him. Why couldn’t I have enjoyed it more? Why couldn’t I have been more appreciative of him, and why did I take advantage of the little time that we had to spend together? I may have been young when this happened, but the day he died I grew up and threw away all childish enjoyment that I had had previously.

I believe that you must live in the moment. The good times never last as long as you want them to.