This I Believe

Samwise - Jackson Hole, Wyoming
Entered on February 9, 2007
Age Group: 65+
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Time’s up! Put your pencils down! These words are music to my ears and signify the end of a time well spent on some of the best work in my life. At least, that’s what I tell myself at the end of every in-class essay assignment I have ever had to do, and if the grade comes back negative, I lay all the blame not on myself, but on the grader. I’ve done the best I could in the given amount of time, no reason to feel any aggravation because the person grading the essay couldn’t appreciate that.

Since I’m saying that I prefer timed writing, there must be some kind writing I prefer it to. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s taking time outside of class to write an essay about something I couldn’t care less about. For a take home essay, I am expected to have revised, reshaped, and perfected said essay before I turn it in; all of which are highly unlikely because much of the essay writing process usually entails more procrastination than actual work. In the end, I turn in whatever I have jotted down, despite the numerous errors and constant, inane dribble that continues throughout (case in point). Why anyone would choose to write a take home essay over doing an in-class write is beyond me.

The benefits to in-class writing clearly outweigh the benefits of a take home assignment. Though some may argue that the time spent worrying over and preparing for an in-class write is enough to gray up the scalp, the level of anxiety over an in-class write doesn’t even come close to the overall stress of having to properly complete a take home essay. I can’t count the number of sleepless nights I’ve had dreading a looming essay deadline; Freddy Krueger can’t hold a candle to the nightmares I’ve had about essay deadlines. In fact, I welcome Elm Streets most frightening if he can rid me of those haunting deadlines.

The worst part about take home essays is the word processor. Microsoft Word is perhaps the most evil invention on the planet. The English language, once considered a beautiful form of communication and to sully it in any way a crime punishable by death… Well, I may be exaggerating a little, but too many people get by on less than adequate grammar and spelling thanks to the horrors of Microsoft Word’s patented Spelling and Grammar check. These people need the take home essay because they’re dead in the water without their precious Spelling and Grammar check, and the only way to stop the decline in proper English usage is to rid the world of take home essays. This is why I must believe in the in-class essay.