This I Believe

Theresa - Princeton Jct., New Jersey
Entered on January 21, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
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Me And My Instinct!

I must admit I am not very good at reading maps. The exercise becomes more painful when I get lost. Being lost is one of the occasions in my life when I believe in my instinct, because I tend to rely on it then for direction. When I am lost, instead of indulging in escalating frustration, I disregard the map and begin to retreat to a quiet place within. I find this soothing and reassuring. It is almost as if, suddenly I have an internal compass that tells me to turn “right”, “left” or “to go straight”. Incredibly, 95% of the time, I arrive at my destination. Sometimes, I think my life on earth is like reading a map. I try desperately to figure out where I am going. There are times, when I literally become lost, confused and uncertain where exactly to turn in life. I believe that, in moments like this, I can count on my instinct for guidance, and it will lead me to the things that matter most in life.

A few months ago, I woke up with a strong urge to call a dear friend. I came up with logical reasons why it did not make any sense to call her at 7:30 in the morning. Unable to suppress the feeling any longer, I picked up the phone and called her. When she heard my voice, out of joy and excitement, she cried. She told me she had also longed to hear from me, because she had so much to talk about! That morning, we had breakfast at a coffee shop. As we drank the warm tea, we poured out our hearts to each other about our current struggles. Because of the quality time we spent together, I consider our meeting to be one of the best experiences of my life. I, therefore, believe in my instinct to help me connect with the ones that I love in real and meaningful ways.

Regrettably, sometimes I ignore my instinct. As I was typing this essay, I saw a piece of paper lying around. I guessed it was some numbers my husband scribbled when he was working on our finances. I thought to myself-I should be more involved in our finances so I don’t become the proverbial wife, unskilled in that aspect of family life when the husband suddenly dies. Like previous times, I scolded myself for having such thoughts. I quickly dismissed the thought as diabolical and ugly! The next morning, my husband had a terrible car accident! No, he didn’t die! Though I cannot prevent an accident, I believe that my instinct gives me a premonition about things that will happen. I view this as fair warning for me to take some action steps if possible. Now, I am taking financial tutorials from my husband. For me, each day is about “me and my instinct”; life itself is a possibility because of my instinct, and “This I believe.”