This I Believe

Deborah - Tucson, Arizona
Entered on January 16, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: change

My husband told me late one evening that he didn’t want to be married anymore. After 17 years of friendship and seven years of marriage, our journey together ended abruptly.

He left me, my beloved golden retriever Abby Robbins died, I packed up and moved to a new house and guest house with my widowed father, and I took a job at the university after 11 years of working at home in an office I shared with my husband. All of this happened very fast.

For many months, I woke up in the mornings and wondered in whose life I was wandering around. I kept wanting to go home. The divorce papers were signed by a judge from the county superior court last month — 14 months after his big announcement.

I am finally beginning to feel more settled in my new life and am turning my attention to the blessings that run alongside the pain I still feel. I have freedom. I still have my adored labrador retriever Vinda Loo. I am building a friendship with my dad. I have a fun old house in a friendly neighborhood. I have a steady paycheck and something new to learn. I have great friends and siblings.

I believe in the power of forgiveness and I see it beginning to thread its way into my heart. Forgiveness is a circle that began with the most profound feelings of anger and grief I’ve ever felt. The depth of my emotions scared me — now they simply arise and recede on the tail of each exhalation. I’ve begun to fill the space created with gratitude. Perhaps the next step is to accept my imperfections and his, and to wish him well.

Our time together came to an end, but our lives continue. I will find a way to complete the circle.