This I Believe

Natasha - green bay, Wisconsin
Entered on January 9, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: parenthood

You know the story of the girl who has everything, well that’s not me. My life is far from perfect and I believe strength comes from living life, not from watching life pass by. I was two years old and my life was already going down hill, my father and mother got a divorce and I was forced into the middle of it. I was told to choose between someone I was so comfortable with, and someone I hated being around. I chose both. I was torn between two worlds, a world where I was treated like a princess, and a world where I learned to keep my mouth shut and listen. My mother was afraid of my father and my father was afraid of nothing, sadly I was afraid of him too. I was about sixteen and every weekend I was forced to go to his house and I was forced to like it, but I always got to go back to my safe place, at home with my mom. I love my father but he scared me to death, he was the loudest and scariest thing in a sixteen year olds life. I defended him when my mother would talk about him but yet in my head, I was saying the same things. I defended my mother also, but I was scared for my mother and myself so I never said a word. Now I am eighteen and I see him once and a while and I guess its okay now but I still keep my mouth shut and I still visit him. He has a new wife now, which he’s had for about 6 years and I’m scared for her too but she’s the least of my worries. My dad has two daughters whose names I wont mention and I worry that he will end up treating them how he treated me. He never hit me, but his verbal and emotional abuse on me was enough to scare me. He’s a good father now as long as he is sober, which isn’t something he’s working on. I only visit him once a month to let him know that he doesn’t control me and that I grew up a long time ago. I live full time with my mother now and I have a boyfriend that is nothing like my father. In the beginning I was scared of every man I dated but with time I out grew the scared feeling inside me. My

Mother does the best job of taking care of me now and I grew up and stood up to my father because she was there to help me. If I didn’t have her I wouldn’t be the person I am today. As for my father, I love him…. when he’s sober.