This I Believe

Kendra - Louisville, Colorado
Entered on January 4, 2007
Age Group: Under 18

Everybody changes as they go through life. For most, it comes in small quantities, but for me it was a big change and for the worse. I guess I could say it happened on September 23, 2005 when one of my good friends moved, for good.

When I was a freshman I was your typical straight “A” student with a couple of “B’s” here and there. I had a good group of friends that I normally stuck to and that was satisfying for me. I always did my homework and actually studied for my tests. This might be a shocker for some, but I wasn’t as outspoken as I am now and was a bit shy in school. So what happened? When did everything go wrong?

Second semester freshman year I was sitting in my computers class when a new student came in. I never really got to know him that year. I mean sure we talked and had a few laughs but I didn’t know him. Summer came along and I just did my own thing and was glad that school was over. When the beginning of my sophomore year came I can honestly say that I totally forgot about this guy that was in my computers class until he walked into my math class.

I was never really friends with guys; they just didn’t seem important and I never found one that seemed liked they would be a good friend. That all changed the first day of geometry when I was working on my homework and looked up to see him looking at me, smiling. In that one second I could see that no matter how bad of a day I was having he could make me smile and forget. From that day on we were friends and I actually enjoyed going to math class for once in my life. Then the day came that I found out he was moving and knew that I would never see him again; it was one of the saddest days I’ve ever had.

What made it even harder was the fact that he had a girlfriend that really didn’t like me and that always proved it harder to hang out with him outside of math, but we did find a chance the day before he moved. He came to my volleyball match and I ditched the varsity game to hang out with him. We mostly talked about life and got to know each other better. Then it got around the time when we had to go and as we were walking down to where my mom was we started to fool around and he ended up kissing me. After that we both knew that things would be different even if he was moving.

The next day was the probably the first time I ever really cried about losing a friend and I couldn’t deal. I know it might not seem like a big deal to others but to me it was everything. I was loosing my best friend, the person that made me want to go to math, the one who pulled me through the day, and that smile. That weekend everything changed for me.

I dyed my hair black, started to wear black clothes, black makeup, and just didn’t care what others thought of me. The weekend after he moved was the first time I ever got drunk and smoked a cigarette. I started doing awful in school and failing classes but the thing was I just didn’t care.

As the year went on, my life still kept going into the dark and nothing seemed to be pulling me back. I became I heavy smoker and often went to parties. I hung out with guys more often but the difference was that they weren’t good people and I just didn’t care what they got me into. I can honestly say that this affected me for some time due to the fact that he kept coming back into my life when it seemed liked everything was getting better and pulling me back to the dark.

It has taken me over a year to find a bit of the person I was before. When he left it just triggered something in me and I did change. I’m better now. My friends have pulled me back, my parents, and anything else that just wanted me back.

I’ve come to realize that through that whole year it made me stronger and notice the bad things that a teenager can fall into. Sure I still do things but I’m careful and watch myself. Writing this made me realize that I’m not in the dark anymore and I only have one thing to say, “Thank you Justin Brixies. Thanks for making me a stronger person.”