This I Believe

Jamie - Radcliff, Kentucky
Entered on December 9, 2006
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: children

“Only a Season”

Have you ever cried until your eyes swelled shut? Have you ever lay prone on the floor for an entire day, pleading with God to change the grim night’s verdict? Divorce is a transforming encounter that does not allow you to return to yesterday, because life will not stop for unexpected, unwanted, and unplanned events.

Unexpected was the mail that came that clear and sunny day, though I remember a slight breeze and the tang of freshly cut green grass. I sat down on the covered porch eager to find what the mailman had delivered and began to read. At that very moment the first of many tears fell. It was true; she did exist; he was having an affair. The warm tears continued to drop on my mail like rain drops on the sidewalk until they ran together.

Unwanted was the reality of my situation. A single mother of school age children, what would I tell them? How will I raise them alone? Many thoughts plunged my mind while I lay face down on the wooden planked floor as though paralysis had taken over. I was paralyzed by reality; fear of the unknown lead to thoughts of overwhelming responsibility; day turned to night and again day.

Unplanned was my ability to survive through no effort of my own. I pleaded with God to turn back to a time that had passed. A time that belonged to me, and time that was yet to come. I yearned for what was mine.

It was some time until I realized the unexpected, unwanted, and unplanned days of that spring would change me forever. Those days blossomed into a deeper realization of me, my abilities, and my independence. These unexpected, unwanted, and unplanned events came to me in a very undesirable way, yet I am thankful that time has the power to move only in a single

direction. For my children and me it moves forward, toward a new season filled with opportunities for growth and understanding.