This I Believe

Rebecca - Ralston, Nebraska
Entered on December 3, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: change

My senior year of high school is in full swing and college is sneaking up fast. The applications, essays, and tests are piling on; and senioritis is hitting me hard. The year already seems like it is flying by. Soon the pep rallies, football games, and parties will all be over; and “the best time of my life” will finally be complete. No turning back now, right?

Next August I will be packing my bags and shoving my entire life into my tiny, blue Neon. My parents will offer their last words of advice and stand in the driveway watching, as I slowly drive off into the sunset. It sounds like a dream I thought would never come true. But, before I can go, there are some heavy personal bags I need to unpack.

I am no longer a slave to my grandpa. I will not have to take him out for meals everyday or to the racetrack on Sundays. I won’t have to dress him every morning and force him to shower. It is no longer my responsibility to prick his finger and make sure he gets his medication. He should have never been a burden on me, and he should have never been my problem. I was still a child when he moved in, and I should have been able to enjoy it, but I was forced to grow up. Now I am not bitter; I am not mad; I am letting go.

I am no longer under my dad’s control. He cannot put me in the car and force me to go “wherever this little white car stops”. I do not have to answer his demanding calls or fold under his threats. He has nothing left to hold over my head. I am letting go.

I no longer feel sorry for my mother. It is time for her to get it together. I can’t raise her and myself. I can’t stay home from work when she is having an episode, or stay up all night driving around to look for her. It is time for her to be my mother and not my equal. I have shed enough tears to flood a city and I’m done feeling sorry for her. It is my life that she has ruined. I will no longer take responsibility for her actions. They are not right, no matter how sick she may be. It isn’t my job to care for her anymore. I am letting go.

In just a few short months all these things will be my past. It will no longer be what I call “normal”. I have overcome and I am making the most of my life. I want so much more for my life. So now I am going to enjoy my senior year with no worries. Nothing in my past can hold me back from reaching my dreams. Driving into the sunset will only be the beginning. I believe in letting go