This I Believe

Gretchen - Fort Wayne, Indiana
Entered on November 28, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: hope, love

Gretchen Kirchgassner

Hum 2000

“This I Believe” Essay

This I believe, I believe we don’t chose love, love chooses us. For the last seven years of my life, I’m 27; I have been off and on with the love of my life. I met him when we worked at the same place. He was one of the first people to say hi to me. I’m still not sure why, but I knew at that moment I wanted to be with him. Later the next year he asked me out, I will always remember that moment as the moment I fell in love. Six months later we moved in together. Everything was great.

Three years later my life turned upside down when I revealed to him I was seeing someone else. For the next six months I didn’t talk to him or see him. My life was lonely, empty, and filled with regret. I would go to bed every night trying to figure out why I would do such a horrible thing to the only man that has ever loved me. The only thing I could say to him and to myself about cheating on him was that I was young and stupid and didn’t know what I had until it was gone. He still is my white knight, my savior from a world of emptiness. He wasn’t always the best person; he was selfish, greedy, and unthoughtful near the end. I’ve never tried to make excuses for the things I did, or the words I used during our most horrible fights.

Almost seven years later, he and I are back to the way it was. I never stopped loving him I had just stopped liking him. I stopped liking him because he was never around, he was there, I could see him, just touch, feel, or talk to him like I used to. We became roommates not lovers. But now I love him and like him more than I did before. I ache to see him, I long to touch him. He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

As far as not choosing love, it choosing us; we have put each other through hell and back and still can’t be without each other. I’ve tried to move on and so has he, but our paths keep crossing and we just know that this is it. It’s either do it or not. I choose go for it. Life and love is about risk, and I’m willing to risk it for the sake of my life long happiness.