This I Believe

Jana - Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Entered on October 12, 2006
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: parenthood

I believe that when I was young I was very nieve. I’m not just talking

about the little things. Every little kid believes in santa, the tooth fairy, and

the easter bunny; I’m talking about the stuff that counts. My parents divorced

when I was very young. In fact I don’t even remember my father living with us.

He would call and come by on weekends, birthdays, and holidays. We would

stay at his house just like normal divorce situations. Slowly we saw less and

less of him. Since I was little, I didn’t thing anything of it. It made the time we

had with each other even better.

Then the car accident happened. He was in the hospital for a long time

and that scared me half to death. One minute he’s fine and then he’s in the

hospital with staples in his head. After that he changed; he stopped coming by,

stopped working, he moved in with his parents. I want to say he lost his spark.

When we went to see him, we would just sit in his room and watch television or

a movie. Then one day he said he felt much better. He said that he decided to

do something special for my sister’s and my birthdays this year. He said he

wanted to make up for the years he missed. So he took Beckee ( my sister) to

California. I thought to myself he’s back. He is going to be there. And I couldn’t

wait till my birthday came.

Well my birthday came and he said that he had to save up some money.

He said he just took Beckee on a very expensive trip and he needed time.

Being stupid me, I ate it up. He talked about Niagra Falls or Colorado. The more

he talked the more I believed and was excited. One year turned to two then to

three. It’s been six or seven years now and I have yet to go anywhere.

Not only that but when he didn’t decide to grace us with his presence I

jumped up with the biggest smile on my face. I still saw him as a hero. My dad.

Year after year I couldn’t wait to see him or talk to him. Then the visits became

less and less. The calls slowly stopped. Instead of birthday and Christmas

presents my Grandmother signed his name on her cards. When he did call he

would ask me the same questions, how is school, grades still good, is there

anything new happening, and last is your mother or Beckee there. When he

called I would talk to him for about ten, fifteen minutes before he would ask for

my mom or Beckee. Then he would talk to them for at lease a half an hour. This

is when I started telling myself that I wasn’t good enough. That Beckee was his

favorite and that I could never stand up against her.

Slowly I started to not want to talk to him or see him. Christmas,

Thanksgiving, my birthday, his birthday, nothing. Not one call all year. Then he

would call. Right at the end of the year. He would yell at us. Say that he was

mad that we didn’t call on his birthday or fathers day. That he deserves respect

because he is our father.

Then my cousin would tell us that our father had been staying at her

house for two weeks and that he had just left to go bad to Green Bay ( here he

lives still with his parents). Well this was new to me. I thought I was very

interesting that my father was ten minutes away from my house for two weeks

and didn’t stop by to say hello. As you can guess this mad me a little mad.

Now I just regret everything. People say that you shouldn’t regret what

you do or how your life has played out but, I do. I regret that I believed every

word he said. I reget that I didn’t see his lies sooner. I regret that I don’t speek

up for myself. I just take it. When he decides to call I answer his four questions

and hand the phone to my sister. I regret that I have a father that doesn’t care to

go to one of the shows that I have been in in the six years I have been in

Accompany Of Kids, not one show. I guess I’m still a little nieve, I still hope

deep down that he will change. That he will be there. I believe that I was and

still am a ittle nieve.