This I Believe

john - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on October 12, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: fear

In This I Believe

Fears of the mind

You wake up scared of the dark. Your mind wonders towards your closet, under your bed, and into that dark hallway. You curl up when you hear the sound of every creaking door, and of the outside. Your heart races with every shadow that darts across your ceiling. Can it be a monster or just your mind playing tricks on you. You get up to either turn on your light, or call for your parents to do it for you. I believe that fear controls the mind more then anything, bringing the best or the worst out of people.

What is fear really? In my life growing up in a small town, I have experienced what I thought were disturbing events. Being a child, I never had much to do but I did have movies, which in turn ignited my imagination. Those movies caused scary and happy thoughts to creep into my mind. So growing up as a child period, comes with being afraid of stray dogs and crashing thunder storms. But as time went by, my imagination grew as much as my realization of what was happening around me did. Realizing that those things outside my room at night were not those small green gremlins off that movie I watched so many times. I found out that thunder storms weren’t scary, but beautiful in there own way.

As I grew up, my fears changed. They stopped being monsters and overwhelming darkness, but to what lies ahead in my life. I feared being alone sometimes, what college I was going to go to if I was going at all, and who I was going to meet. I was terrified that I wasn’t going to have a job if I moved somewhere else. I was on my own most of my senior year but I saved up some money. I was accepted into a college in San Antonio, far away from my home in Corpus Christi. I have never been away from my home for more then a month ever in my life. My father lives in San Antonio and I knew I was going to go live with him. I had no idea what to expect, I had always been bound by my life in Corpus Christi. I didn’t know how my life would change but I was ready and willing to leave.

One morning my father drove from San Antonio and was at my door by 8 am. He told me to get dressed, get my stuff, and that I was leaving that morning. My stomach dropped and my mom just sat at the counter and watched. My little brother was completely happy that in an hour, he was going to get my room which was bigger than his. It scared and excited me to realize I was putting my belongings in the back of my fathers white truck. It happened so fast, I didn’t get to say bye to my friends. It scared and amazed me to see my room emptied in almost forty minuets.

The sun was out and I acted calm, but inside I was nervous with anticipation. I put the last thing inside my truck, and walked back inside my house to see my room one last time. I was knew I was afraid of that road to a new life, but fear only cripples a person from doing greater things and I was not about to let that happen. I hugged my mom, and shook my brothers hand. I was finally ready to leave. By 9 am I was in my drive way getting into my truck. My father was waiting for me so that we could go towards San Antonio. I got into my truck and as I sat there, fear took over my mind. My readiness to leave conquered it by me starting my truck and driving away. Soon I was only a memory to those I knew – just a thought.

Driving on that long highway, my fear gave way. I stopped being nervous, for I was now free. I rolled down my windows in my truck and breathed the fresh air of my new life. Knowing that I am now on my own, there was no more room to be afraid of anything.

After settling in San Antonio I found a job, which I still have and enjoy. I’m attending UTSA and I have met knew friends and had a lot of fun. College is just as great as I thought it would be and more. My teachers are professional, my job pays more and I have made so many new friends. I stopped fearing my future and I’m now taking it all in.

Fear controls a minds function in terms of living your life, conquer your fear. Live your life, always look forward, yet remember what the past has taught you and it is true that the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.