This I Believe

Nicole - Palm Beach Gardens
Entered on October 10, 2006
Age Group: Under 18

I believe that even if you have never met, or never got the chance to meet a member of your family, you will still be connected in spirit. You will still feel love for them and a connection to them. Your family is your family no matter what. It;s in your blood. your family is the closest thing to you. It provides comfort, love, and hope. Some people even go to great lengths to find connections with long, lost relatives. In my case, I was too young to really get to know my father before he was taken away from me. And still, to this day, he is the one thing that I will allways miss the most.

When I was about four years old, my father passed away. He was murdered. He was taken from my mother and I by a man that showed to have no feelings what so ever. the most selfish human alive. He didn’t get wha the wanted so he killed my dad. But in the end he got what he deserved, a place in prison. It was the hardest on my mom, a hard working, perfectionist who’s only mental stress release and relaxation occured in the presence of her husband, who she had been madly in love with since college. As everyone asks when someone is taken away from them, “Why him? Why such a good man? He didn’t deserve to die!” It’s what we were all saying. no one ever deserves to die. Death is supposed to come after you’ve lived a long life and experienced and learned a lot of things. But no everyone is that lucky.

Since i was only four, I had never really gotten a chance to grow up enough to really get to know my father. Of course i still have a few memories, but I still can never remember his face. Not even when I look at pictures, ‘cus even then hes it’s just a picture of a man that i used to know but never really knew. So all I have left are pictures, a few vague memories, and the millions of stories that my mother and others tell me. From these stories I begin to form, in my mind, a picture of a man whowas crative, artistic, easy going, fun to be with, mischevious, and allways knew how to have a good time. Essentially me in a male form. After hearing the many stories about him, and seeing all the old pictures, I started to get jealous. Jealous of anyone who knew him, or loved him, got the chance to love him. I wanted so badly to meet him, to meet a man who had such a big part in the creating of me, made me who I am, and was so much like me. All I ever hear from people is “You look so much like your father”, “You act so much like your father”, and people allways telling me how much of him they see in me.

A few months ago, the man that killed my father filed to be let out of prison, to be pardoned, pardoned from one of the worst crimes anyoune could comit. So my mother, my grandparents, and I traveled the six hours to Tallahasee, Florida to fight against this in court. During this period, alot of feelings and emotions were let out. And for the first time i really started to realize what i had lost, and a buring anger and hatred developed. A hatred for the person who took this person and this opportunity of knowing this person away from me. There was no way I was going to let this heartless, low life man out of jail. There is no way i would ever forgive him. I hated him and every single person assosciated with him in any way. And watching his scruffy, trashy looking, good for nothing daughter sit at this table adjacent to me, crying, trying to convine the judge and jury to pardon her father from taking th elife of another man, from murder, and let him out of jail, made me sick to my stomach. I felt so strongly against this person who had taken him away from me and yet, I didn’t even know him. This showed me, this proved that there was no doubt in my mind that my father was a part of me, a part of my family and allways would be. Blood is blood and my connection to my father was strong. We won in the court and the man was not pardoned. But this doesn’t change any of my feelings towards these people and it never will.

In the end, through my experiences I’ve come to believe that your family is your family and it will allways be a part of you, seen or unseen, alive or dead. And even if you are too young to understand, too young to get to know them you’ll be connected to them. And later in life you will learn what you had and experience the feeling of true family love. And even though my father is not here with me right now, he will allways be with me in my heart and in spirit. And he will allways be my family because, after all, blood is blood, family is family, and this… I believe.