This I Believe

Carolina - Alexandria, Virginia
Entered on October 8, 2006
Age Group: Under 18

I believe that money is the catalyst for my pain, but I will somehow find a way to stop it.

I am a Student and an Athlete. I am on my schools crew team. Most people classify me as a “rich white girl”. If only they new the truth. I have a spending problem. I’m what they call an impulse buyer. If I have money, I will buy something without thinking twice. I have never had money for more than a month.

If I told you that my mother could barely afford my house, you wouldn’t believe me. If you saw me driving her Jaguar, you’d want to slap me for saying something along the lines of “I am not rich”. To the outside world, I’ve got it made.

When I was little, my mom and dad were still together, had great jobs. I had everything I could have ever wanted, but a pony. I grew up, not realizing how money was affecting my thinking. Instead of thinking “Save it up so you can get whatever you want”, I thought “Get what you want now, beg your parents for the rest later!” I was a brat, I was selfish, and I was foolish.

Every cent I had was wasted on simple things like Beanie Babies, Pokémon Cards, and Candy. If I had now these compulsive acts would affect me when I got older, I probably would have tried to stop. But how am I supposed to know what the future has in store? I’m not a psychic; I’m just a spoiled brat.

These bad habits have caught up to me. My mother can’t afford the mortgage. She’s constantly getting loans from the bank. We have to pay an exterminator to get rid of these mice that have taken our kitchen hostage. We get flooding after every horrid storm. What do I do to help? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just asked for more and more. I never realized how horrible money truly is until today.

Everyone thinks the world of money. Rappers throw it around like it has no significant importance. Gamblers waste it and end up like me: shattered, cluttered, broke. Everything I want to do with my life depends on these damned pieces of green paper. I feel like all I am doing is throwing it around to pave my path to my grave. Thanks to money, a black hole is surfacing in my life and getting rid of the one thing I live for: Happiness.

Somehow I’ll over come this habit. I’m talking to my family, my friends, and my psychologist for help. I know my problems aren’t as bad. I have a friend, who is on food stamps, but he still comes to school with energy and a smile, you’d never expect anything to be wrong with him. I admire him for it. Who knows, maybe I’ll turn to him for some insight.

Only change will kill the catalyst money is, fortunately I do not fear change.