This I Believe

kristen - Colerain, North Carolina
Entered on October 2, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: setbacks
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“I Believe in Letting Go”

At the age of 18 I began to date a popular fraternity guy. I was very aware of his arrogant attitude and “player ways”, but I still put down my guard and took a chance with him. He told me that he loved me and I believed him. And to this very day I still believe that he loves me. About a month into our relationship he was bringing me back home after one of our routine dates. During the ride he began to question me about an ex boyfriend of mine. I was confused about the questioning because of the great time that we had on our date. The questioning soon turned into arguing and out of no where he slapped me. I began to cry. I was so confused I didn’t know what to do. He immediately said that he was sorry and began to cry. He told me that hitting me was a mistake and that he would never put his hands on me again. I was hurt physically and emotionally by the impact of the slap. But I was also hurt that he was crying. Why did I make him do this to me. I saw the hurt in his eyes and knew how sorry he was. He would never raise his hand to hit me again.

That was only the beginning of an unhealthy relationship. I was a victim of mental and physical abuse for six years after that incident. He apologized and cried in the beginning but, as the beatings go worse he showed no sympathy for his actions or me at all. I believe in letting go of unhealthy relationships. If I had stood up for myself the first time that he hit me, I would have never suffered six years of my precious life. I say six years because that is when I finally got the courage to leave him, but the truth is that it has been two years since I left him and I am still suffering. If I had only told my parents or best friend about that incident in the car they would have helped me get out of that unhealthy relationship. I f I had only pressed charges when the police came to the house after a neighbor had called because they saw him dragging me by my hair across the yard things would be different. I can name numerous occasions when I had the opportunity to let go but, I didn’t. Why did I put up with the abuse for so long? Why couldn’t I just leave? I knew that what I was letting him do to me was wrong. I knew that what I was doing to myself was wrong but, I just couldn’t let go. I would never have given any one the advice to stay in that type of relationship and would have been furious if my sister had remained in that type of relationship. She’s too good for that type of abuse and she knows it. But was I too good to be treated like that? I feel like I am now but, what was the problem then?