This I Believe

Genie - greenville, North Carolina
Entered on October 2, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
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Opening Up

I believe that keeping everything bottled up inside isn’t going to help. It only makes matters worse. Being able to help somebody is the greatest gift of all. When I was 12 years old God took away my mother the only person in my life who I thought understood me and would always be there for me when my family had a terrible car accident. As a child, and even today as an adult, I just deal with things differently. I keep everything bottled up inside because I fear what the world will think if I let it out in the open. The rest of my family is completely different than me. They always want to talk about everything and share their feelings. I have pushed away my family and friends so many times it’s hard to count, because I don’t feel that anybody should see me cry or get upset over something that happened so long ago.

Recently, on the way back to school, my phone rang. It was my little brother and he was upset. He had just turned 16 and got his license. Immediately I thought the worst, but quickly found out he was upset because our mom wasn’t there with him on that day. He still, after all this time, couldn’t understand what he was going through, I told him that life isn’t fair and there’s nothing that can change what happened. He then asked a difficult question for me. He said “How did you get through all these big events in high school like prom, graduation and birthdays?” I told him that you just keep going, be thankful for the family and friends that you do have with you to share thee days, to know that mom is watching over all of us, and she’s always there with us in our hearts. Tears were running down my face. I stopped myself because I had never talked about anything like this with anybody out loud. I was relieved, just letting things out was good for me. In my everyday life I have started not holding things back and letting them bottle up inside me. I have learned to say things that are on my heart.

On that day my brother helped me I think more that I could’ve helped him. I opened up to him and that was a big challenge for me over all these years. It took one conversation, and I finally was about to open up.