This I Believe

Laura - Oakwood, Illinois
Entered on September 19, 2006
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: setbacks
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“I believe that life goes on”

“I don’t love you anymore Laura,” are the last words I remember him saying to me. I got my first serious boyfriend when I was sixteen. We did everything together from going out to eat, to going on vacation together. I had never had anyone love me the way he loved me. I thought nothing could break us apart. We were always laughing about something, or telling stories about our past; he was my other half, and he made me a better person.

We were together for about nine months before everything started to change. The phone calls started to get shorter, and we started to fight about every little thing in the world. I noticed the relationship that we both had worked on for that past year was slowly slipping away and I couldn’t do anything about it. We held on for about two more months until we had our last fight. About three hours after arguing for the last time, he called and broke off our relationship. I was devastated. I stopped eating, I couldn’t sleep, and all I thought about was how I was going to get him back. Infact, I thought my life couldn’t go on.

Even after three months I still felt the same way I did the day after it ended. I wanted to kill myself, hurt myself, just to make him feel sorry for me and to make him want me back. I thought he was the only one for me in the world, and when I heard he was with another girl I felt even worse. I kept going back in forth in my head trying to figure out what I did wrong, why he lied to me during our relationship, and why this happened to me.

After my parents and friends started noticing my change in personality, I decided to see a counselor. He diagnosed me with having a mild case of depression. I cried and was scared to start the medicine; I didn’t want people to think that I was crazy. I’ve always being a strong and independent person, and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just get over it.

Then one day everything that everyone had been trying to tell me finally clicked. I just got mad and decided I was going to get over it. There are more guys out there and I’m only seventeen. I have my whole life ahead of me. I did love him, but things happen and I can’t make someone care about me if they don’t want too. There are so many other problems that people have, like cancer, abusive parents, or starvation. I’m mad at myself for being so selfish and for letting my negative attitude affect the people I cared about the most. I’ve learned whether someone dies, or someone’s heart gets broken, that life still goes on, even when you’re not ready for it to.