In a Moment

For almost ten years now my step mom, Mardy, has had brain cancer. She has put up such a tremendous fight that still astounds me to this day. She has lived through numerous rounds of chemotherapy, countless seizures, and hospital visits that put her on an emotional rollercoaster of promises and heart breaks. She has lived through an unplanned pregnancy, gaining now a healthy seven year old boy, Philip. She has also lived through a brain surgery that left her paralyzed in more ways than one. Mardy is undoubtedly the strongest woman I know.

Many years have passed, and we as a family have adjusted to this completely crazy lifestyle now, playing a constant game of charades to try to communicate with her. It’s not as bad as it seems, we still find happiness, and we are strong as family.

Recently Mardy went in for a routine MRI to see if the cancer was growing. As many years had gone by without any signs of growth, we weren’t ready for the news to come. In the lightest tone, outside of my dormitory hall on what seemed like the coldest day in November, my dad told us that the cancer had grown and that there weren’t many options. We all went numb. The weekend seemed to be a drain of emotion. It was spent at the hospital, in a room so stagnant and dry you could almost taste a sense of intense anxiety and heart break. At one point a doctor came in to discuss surgery and end of life options. It was the moment we had been dreading for almost ten years. The doctor gave Mardy about six to eight weeks to live, and while everyone turned inward in pain, I looked at Mardy.

Expecting her to cry or become hysterical I saw a look in her eyes unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. She was looking at Philip from across the room with the warmest eyes, with mother’s eyes. In that moment I saw no pain or sadness, no regrets or disbelief. I saw the look I knew said a thousand words. It was as if time went into slow motion. She was proud of the little boy her son came to be. She was happy to live to see him grow into everything she could have ever wanted and more. It was as if she was content and ready for the end to come, and everyone would be okay without her. In that instant, that moment, I realized that Mardy knew everyone would be alright eventually, especially Philip. It was her time to let go of her most precious gift because she knew she couldn’t hold on forever and she was grateful to live this long. I think in a way, she knew all along that it would come down to this and she was prepared and ready more than any of us could ever be.

In a way I guess you could say that we have been lucky to have her in our lives for this long, but what I saw in her eyes was more than luck. It was a gift she had been given and only she knew about it for a very long time before I finally understood it. She knew that God would keep her in Philip’s life until He knew Philip would remember her forever. I believe in the power of prayer and the power a moment can have. I know that in that moment, all of her prayers had been answered.