This I Believe

Megan - Buda, Texas
Entered on September 8, 2006
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: question
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Balance

I believe in looking to the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in stumbling around in the dark. I believe in second chances. I believe in do or die. I believe in balance.

Raised with a one track mind I, Megan Hadassah Andrews, believed in one thing and one thing only; God is the answer. Growing up I believed God watched everything I did, every move I made, every sound I uttered. God shadowed my dreams and monitored my thoughts. Satan the Devil was the only bad. Satan was the only yang. So I was scared of anything different. Fear for my soul led me to block out all the random thoughts that seemed to flow through my young mind like sand through your hands. Like sand though little grains of my imagination never seemed to go away. They constantly weighed on my adolescent conscious, overwhelming me with guilt and sadness. I was breaking my own spirit without even knowing it.

Then I woke up to the constant ache in my heart. That yearning that drove me to pursue all my ideas. Turning sixteen, thinking for myself, and learning my boundaries helped me to see how sheltered I was. By sheer experience alone I’ve discovered so much more about myself in the last year than I learned in the first sixteen years of my life. I know believe in second chances now. People make mistakes, people can be forgiven, I can be forgiven, and that’s totally new to me. I’m in high school so in turn I also believe in do or die, like late night assignments that don’t save right or a last attempt at lunch. In coming upon these contradictions questions of course form. What’s right to you? Where’s your line? Why?

I found my boundaries in becoming a Buddhist and mediating constantly. This taught me to see the world in color, balanced color. No black, no white, no gray, but balance, pure, plain, and simple. Seeing the right with every wrong, all the bad with all the good. Realizing that every one has a different tunnel and if we try to fit down the same one, we’ll never get to the end.