The Butterfly Effect

I believe in the butterfly effect. For those who don’t know, the butterfly effect basically says that even small, seemingly insignificant things can build up to make a huge difference. I personally experienced this idea primarily in grade school, but it applies to all people throughout every day of their lives.

Grade school had such an impact on me because during this time I went through neglect at home, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Tourette’s syndrome, and I had even been shunned by my friends for reasons unknown to me. Things really started to go downhill on the home front. My mom worked full-time and I rarely saw her, so my dad was always the one to babysit me and take me places. The thing is, no matter what I did, no matter what accomplishments I was proud of or how well I did during a sports game, nothing ever was good enough. Every piece of positive reinforcement was followed by what I was lacking or what I could do better. Even though he was unaware, and it was far from his fault, it still caused me to feel inadequate. Some people might say that it’s not that big of a deal, but remember the butterfly effect? Years and years of this added up to me feeling worthless. This, paired with my OCD and ever-frustrating Tourette’s syndrome made me feel helpless, hopeless, and worthless. The icing on the cake came when my friends began to treat me like an outcast.

I began to seek refuge in school’s hellish teachers and loneliness to escape home, where my bouts of Tourette’s tics were worse. There were times that I became so overcome by the feelings of helplessness and frustration that I would go into the empty kitchen and stare at the knife drawer, with tears in my eyes, wanting it all to end. That’s right, a twelve-year-old with thoughts of suicide. However, just as this butterfly effect pushed me to the brink of despair, the same concept gave me reason to hang on. I searched for things to hold on to, for something to give me reason to keep enduring life. I had three things that helped me, three things that convinced me not to end my life: the fear of the pain of death, the idea that no one would walk my neighboring uncle’s dog if I were gone, and that one girl in my class seemed to actually care about me. I thought she alone would be sad if I were gone, and I didn’t want to make her sad. These three simple things made an enormous difference in my life.

Eventually, things got better, but the point of this story is not to pity me or to emphasize the importance of taking a dog for a walk. The message is that you should be conscientious of others and their feelings. Even the smallest things can make or break someone’s day. A simple put-down can snowball into a big lump of insecurity in someone, just as a friendly smile or compliment could make them feel better for the entire week. I can’t count the times that someone has told me that something small I did made their day, and that shows the truth behind this butterfly effect. So be nice to your fellow man, smile at passing strangers, give a little food to the homeless man on the curb, stick up for the bullied kid. You never know how something small could make someone’s day, break their heart, or save their life.