This I Believe

susan - dublin, Ohio
Entered on September 1, 2006
Age Group: 30 - 50

I am 44 years old, have three children at three different stages in life and am going through a divorce. I am 6 ½ months into recovery for alcoholism. Before you set the picture of me in your mind, let me tell you a bit more. I live in a wealthy suburb, have a college degree and grew up in a Christian family with two parents. As I write this, I smile, because I have no regrets or bitterness for where I have been or the events, which took place in my life to lead me here. The reason being, this I believe, is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I have been blessed with many opportunities in my life and a good moral foundation. Most of the time I followed that path, but sometimes, as in the past years, I got lost and misdirected. These mistakes were mine, and I completely own all of my behaviors. I believe that God gave me the gifts to accomplish and be successful in my marriage and in my life. But, he also gave me the free will to do this how I saw fit. In my self-absorption, I made some bad choices, which resulted in some extremely life altering consequences.

I have a choice: I can either remain the victim in self -pity or know that what looks to be overwhelming and unmanageable today, can be turned over to my God, as I understand Him. I believe he has given me this today, this moment in time to do something small, which will affect my life and the life of others. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but today I have the understanding of what is important in life. I cannot control it; I simply get to accept it and be grateful. This does not mean that I will not make decisions today that will affect positively those events of tomorrow. For if I do what is right today, that foundation remains for the future.

So, as I look back at the year which brought me to my knees through the breakdown of my marriage, my self esteem and addiction, I know, that I can only affect today through my right actions and the lessons that I have learned. I know that there is no place on this earth that I would rather be, than in my bed, with my three children safely in their beds and saying my prayers of gratitude. Because, this I believe, is exactly where I should be.