Wishing or Choosing

As written by the author John Green, “The world is not a wish granting factory”. Unfortunately, I can’t go all Pinocchio and wish upon a star and hope that wish I wish will come true. Ever since I was seven years old I have suffered from generalized anxiety disorder. Basically I worry about anything and everything, even worrying about worrying. This has made every aspect of my life more difficult. When I was younger, I might not go to a friend’s house because I was too afraid to be away from home. When it came time for my junior prom, I barely made it through it, not because I didn’t have a date or because there was some crazy girl drama going on. No, it was because I was so afraid of that new event just because it was new and different. I panic, hyperventilate, and feel so nauseous I can barely speak. Anything new has always been terrifying. Despite this problem clinging to me throughout my life, I have always been relatively successful. I graduated from high school with honors. I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in biology. I made it through a terrifying application process and was selected to be a part of a fantastic dental school. I have great friends and an amazing family that know about every aspect of me, and have always been a wonderful net of support. The good ones stuck around despite my quirkiness and my flaws.

But I didn’t just expect the world to hand this life to me. In spite of all I had against me, I made this happen for me. I chose that this was the path that I wanted to follow, and did everything I could do to make it happen. I didn’t wish for my anxiety, just like I didn’t wish for my mom to get cancer. It’s like that song, “you can’t always get what you want.” There have been so many times that I have wished for things to happen or to feel differently, but just wishing won’t get it done. Wishing is half the battle. Knowing what you want is great; making it happen is the hard part. It has taken me all my life to realize that I choose how I want to feel. I choose how I deal with things going on in my life. And sometimes I may not always choose correctly. Sometimes I may do things that lead me away from where I want to go. But I can’t let my own head and mind stop me from where I’m going. I know that if I just push through the pain, sweat, and tears that may inevitably come my way, it is possible for me to reach my destination. So no, the world may not grant my wishes. It may not hold my hand through the trials and tribulations that are called life. But I think that’s the point. This is the universe’s way of challenging me to be more. To do more. And I can’t ask for a better wish than that.