Inside These Walls

I believe that the trials you overcome help to make you a better person.

I have always been detached from the world. Most people dive right into it, readily welcoming the many emotions the world and the people in it have to offer. Not me. I’m that one person in every class who prefers to be alone, silently challenging those few brave souls that contemplate sitting next to me. They normally never do.

There’s no significant moment or a series of traumatic events that have led me to be this way. As far as growing up goes, my life has been beyond average. I am not clinically depressed or deprived of social interaction. Simply put, I don’t enjoy talking about my feelings. If I were able to choose, I would choose to spend the majority of my time alone.

In February 2013, my grandfather was diagnosed with Carcinoid cancer. It is a cancer that targets your neuroendocrine system. My whole family was thrown into a sense of turmoil. We began going across the United States in order to seek treatment for him. We road tripped down to Louisiana and went on swamp tours, experienced Bourbon Street nightlife, ate beignets until our stomachs hurt. I was forced to get out of my comfort zone and spend quality time with my family. We did more in that year together and grew closer to one another than in all our years together.

On November 21, 2013, my grandpa lost his battle to cancer. I had not cried in over two years, but I did that day. I found myself looking for comfort from those around me. It was difficult to let others see me as “weak”, something I have always struggled with. However, I found that grieving with my family helped us to grow stronger, and as we all grew stronger and tried to recover, I found myself slowly letting my walls down.

I’m definitely still a work in progress and it will take time before I see myself becoming an emotional person. It’s during difficult times like the death of a loved one that help us to grow as people. I miss my grandpa every single day, but I am thankful that his passing has helped open my heart to let others in. I now know that it not only benefits me, but also those around me.