Losing Casey

I don’t understand why bad things happen, but I do believe God does everything for a reason. I found out I lost my best friend on October 1, 2013. What good can come out of losing someone? Honestly nothing. You feel nothing but pain, loneliness, sadness, and sometimes anger.

Casey was everything to me. I grew up around him. I trusted him with all my secrets and he knew me better than I knew myself. Casey was my image of the perfect guy. He was smart, kind, outstanding at just about any sport, and had the best kind of personality there was. “You’ll always be my number one girl,” is what he used to tell me. My heart would melt. Could a 14 year old girl really be in love? I believed I was.

We spent the long summer days singing, laughing, and teasing one another. We drove around singing at the top of our lungs with the windows down and wind blowing through our hair. I could look over at him with his beautiful smile and fall in love. That was the best summer I had ever had. It was also the last one I would spend with him.

He lost a friend earlier in February. I knew Casey had a tough time with it since he was the one who found his lifeless neighbor shot on her bathroom floor. He would constantly say he didn’t understand why bad things like that had to happen. I only knew to say, “God does everything for a reason,” because that is truly what I believe. So many tragic things kept piling up on Casey. His only way out of his problem was through his passion, sports. Unfortunately, he was in a wreck and damaged his arm and would have to stay away from sports. I didn’t know what to say or how to help. He soon became isolated from everyone and everything.

On October 1 I got a text early in the morning from him. “You’ll always be my number one girl, don’t ever forget that.” That was the last text I ever got from him. Casey was going through so much more than I knew. He had skipped school and committed suicide that day. He wasn’t found until later that night. I cried night after night for months. I would look up at the enormous sky and be overwhelmed. My best friend was truly so far away from me. The only place I could turn next was God. I decided to go on a church retreat to help my pain. I ended up falling in love with our Lord. I finally understood that God does everything in mysterious ways, but is righteous in all he does. He gave me one of the hardest battles of my life. But without it I wouldn’t have the amazing faith and love I have for God today. I believe God does everything for a reason, we just might not understand at first.