Learning to Bend the Spoon: A Lesson on Leadership

I believe I belong to a profession whose many members are obsessed with leadership, even as the vast majority of us, even I included, may not in fact be leaders. As a military leader, that is a stunning accusation of my own profession, but before I begin to explain, I’d like to share an anecdote that will help convey my point.

Two brothers, Larry and Andy W, wrote and directed the science fiction action film The Matrix. In an unassuming moment well into the movie, the protagonist Neo went to see a woman named only as “The Oracle.” Neo, still uncertain of whom he was to be or what to think about the two worlds he must live between, walks into an urban residential apartment. He instantly notices a young boy dressed in traditional Buddhist garb seated with his legs crossed. Even more fascinating, he watched the boy bend a spoon only by looking at it. The boy, aware of Neo’s interest, held out the spoon to Neo, who accepted it and sat down beside the boy.

The Boy then spoke in an articulate, sophisticated manner and said, “Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.”

Neo stared introspectively at the spoon and asked “What truth?”

The boy quickly replied, “There is no Spoon.”

Neo pondered the meaning in the boy’s answer and repeated, “There is no spoon.”

After a moment of silence, the boy added, “Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”

Some military leaders today, charged by an institution or any other legally governing entity to exert influence on individuals to achieve objectives or institutional goals, try to “bend the spoon” in applying “leadership”. Some yell. Some threaten. Some beg, plead, and negotiate. Some make trade-offs. Some connive and manipulate. Some expend “political capital”. In all, the goal is always to bend a situation to fit one’s own desires. In truth, we all want to be good leaders. That is not the point. The sad reality is that no one can be told they are a leader any more than they can bend a spoon using only their mind. Rather, this comes after much time and with quiet observation, a keen self-awareness, and much patience.

After the untold billions of dollars spent marketing leadership to aspiring youth and hours upon hours of expended intellectual capital on publishing literature and developing class instruction centered on teaching leadership, we still see time and again stories in the national news of units and organizations who suffer the diminishing effect of so-called failure in leadership. This failure in leadership is known by a different name, toxic leadership. There has been in recent years a dramatic rise in the writings and study of toxic leadership. One example is an Army Times article titled “Army Wants to Rid Top Ranks of Toxic Leaders”, written on July 31, 2011 by Michelle Tan and Joe Gould. They wrote, “A survey of more than 22,630 soldiers from the rank of Sergeant through Colonel and Army civilians showed that roughly one in five sees his or her superior as “toxic and unethical,” while only 27 percent believe that their organization allows “the frank and free flow of ideas.”

While these periodicals, articles, and books bring to bear an important topic of toxicity within an organization, to a much larger extent, they all miss the point entirely. The real point is, “there is no spoon.” A ‘toxic leader’ is no leader at all. John Maxwell said in his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, “he who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.” Within the military, any “toxic leader” operating void of a legal apparatus, that is, without legal backing of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, wouldn’t have the same level of influence as they do under our system. A quick definition of leadership is positive influence, pure and simple. What provide individuals the ability to spread their toxicity as described in these articles are the very rules, laws and military traditions that comprise our organization. That is not to say our institution promotes toxicity. However, to deny that “leaders” often advance solely through the practice of promotion based on “time in grade, time in service,” as opposed to a pure meritocracy, and that this practice does not have a diminishing effect on the overall quality of senior ranking officers and non-commissioned officers would be woeful ignorance at best.

Even as the latter fact may be true, becoming a leader is possible. The process to become a leader is very long and strenuous, and involves all sorts of pretentious and self-righteous pitfalls. Yet as you try to take something away from this writing, remember this—if you desire to someday wake and discover yourself a leader, then do not try to do so by exerting your influence on others through force of sheer will. That is impossible. Instead, realize the truth. Perhaps you may not be, at this present moment, your group’s natural leader, despite your charge as their “manager” (for lack of a better term). Then you will see that it is not entirely others or the situation that must bend to achieve good. Sometimes, it is only you. So be yourself, and to be yourself, you must know yourself. This is what I believe, so good luck with bending that spoon.