This I Believe

Shaira - State College, Pennsylvania
Entered on April 21, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, love

My knees tucked to my chest; clothes caressed the back of my head as I hid in my closet. Tears streamed down my face. Sadness and confusion clouded my vision. My world was falling apart and the one true example of real love was crumbling with it. After 15 years of marriage and consuming love, my parents had decided they were getting a divorce.

Many paths were revealed to me during my most vulnerable and fragile moments. A life changing intersection in my life became evident. I could have gone down many wrong paths, but I chose to walk a path that had always been present. A path led by faith. This path led me to Penn State; to a spiritual awakening and to an indescribable soul search; A re-evaluation of my beliefs and a whirlwind of new ambitions.

The morals and values, taught to me throughout childhood, have stayed with me. And as I look back to the darkness of my closet, I remember seeing a small glimpse of hope. An understanding that I was not destined to share my parents fate, I was destined to find friends that cared for me, and even a guy who would appreciate me.

Thankfully, my parent’s divorce came and went quickly. I was able to mend those deep wounds that penetrated my heart. It is safe to say, that everyone who has suffered through a parent’s divorce is bound to question love. I realize now, that it is a matter of staying strong. Not questioning ourselves in what we did wrong, but truly believing that one is capable of understanding. It is a matter of being able to love again, love without fear of rejection, love without fear of emptiness, but real love. I realize now, that doubt and resentment abolish the strong ties of love that we have with our families and ourselves. I believe in believing in love. Allowing it to take you places you never thought imaginable; allowing it to sweep you away. Love swept me away from the confines of my closet, and although my parents failed to maintain an all consuming, all encompassing love between them; that didn’t stop them from sharing their love and these teachings with me. This I don’t believe …I know.