This I Believe

wendy - Fort Collins, Colorado
Entered on April 14, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: addiction, birth

How my son saved my life

I was sitting in my hospital room, all alone. My mom and dad left, and said that they were giving me time alone with my son. I was scared. Why would my mom leave me alone to embark on the most challenging task ever assigned to me? I cried for two hours that night, and got hardly any sleep. My son was just lying there sleeping, with not a care in the world. Not knowing that his mommy knew nothing about being a mom. Now, one year later, I look back on my decision to become a single mom and I believe my son saved my life.

From the day I graduated from high school, until I gave birth to my son, were eight years of memories I so hope to replace with memories of my son learning how to talk, his first day of school, and his high school graduation. Two weeks out of high school I was pressured into drinking and smoking cigarettes. A year or so later those habits turned to more drinking and smoking more than just cigarettes. I was soon into hard drugs, skipping out on family photo day to be with “friends”, partyng the night away, and being very irresponsible.

I was the only one that was able to hold down a job, therefore it was my money we were using to get high. That soon led to traveling across the state lines with the drugs, and getting caught. Because of the amount we had I was looking at 10 plus years in prison, and I was only 22 years old. I did get punished with a lightened sentence but still that was not enough to set me straight. I was still getting high everyday. I even skipped out on my cousin’s wedding, in which I was a bridesmaid, to get high. It made no difference who you were, my mission was to get high and have fun doing it.

Life as I knew it came to an abrupt halt on April 1st. That was the day I did a home test and found out I was pregnant. From that moment on I quit everything but cigarettes, and within three months I quit those.

Within those quick nine months I was forced to reevaluate my entire way of life and how I planned to live the rest of it. My life now consists of going to work so I can buy diapers and food for my son, going to school so that I can give my son someone to look up to when he is older, taking him to the doctor when his temp is 105 F, and looking at him when I am down so that I can make him smile.

Had it not been for my son I still would be doing drugs, in jail, or even dead. That is why I truly believe my son saved my life.