Twelve Steps to Serenity

About three times a week I walk into the doors of The B Twelve Step Club. It is a very modest looking hole in the wall where a bunch of sober drunks and clean addicts meet to talk about life and what it means to them about being free of the demons that once haunted their lives. It’s the only place where you can hear a woman swear like a sailor and see a grown man break down and cry in the same night. I call this place my second home because I am one of these souls who has found a better way of living. One day, eight months ago, a seemingly devastating situation turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened in my life.

I was arrested for the second time on counts of possession and drug paraphernalia. I cried my eyes out while riding in the back of the cop car because I was sure I was going to prison and would be there for the next couple of years. Now I know that my higher power was looking out for me that night. I was released on an I-Bond, which is a piece of paper that let me out with no money but the simple promise to show up at court. This was the night that I knew something had to change. I was different than everyone else in the way I used drugs, I couldn’t stop.

This night I faced the harsh reality that I would have to go to rehab and learn a new way of living my life. At first this was an awful idea, but I knew it had to be done.

About a week later I arrived at H in Minnesota where I would be spending the next month of my life. H is where I came across one of my biggest beliefs today. I believe life should be lived one day at a time. As an addict and alcoholic I cannot let myself get too far into the future or I will start to panic. All I have is today. I cannot guarantee what will come tomorrow or if I will be sober tomorrow. All I can do is make sure I do the next right thing today.

I believe that the addict and alcoholic should never be underestimated in any way. During my addiction, like many others, I thought my life wouldn’t amount to anything. I was living each day in a constant haze and struggle to figure out how I would get my next drink or drug. Without any direction in my life I felt like I was heading down a one-way street destined for a dead end. But after getting sober I realized this wasn’t how I had to live my life.

I started to be able to think more clearly. I started to see that I had a lot more potential than I had thought while I was in the grips of my addiction. When I returned from treatment, I was finally able to get a good honest job and re-enroll in school. I figured out what direction I wanted to head in for the rest of my life. Most importantly, I proposed to the woman of my dreams and was very happily engaged. I realized I didn’t have to think of myself as a dead-beat who would be using drugs to fill a void in my heart ??for the rest of my life, I was better than that. While I thought I had it all figured out there was still another lesson to be learned.

I believe humility is key. My counselor in treatment told me that humility is always being open to learn. I took this advice to heart. I opened myself to all new

experiences that could be thrown at me during my sobriety. I knew that I could handle them a lot better now than I could when I was using. This idea of keeping humility in my life has been one of the most beneficial parts of my sobriety. It has been the main driving force behind my new determination in everything I do. I thank my higher power for it everyday.

Addicts and alcoholics are people that most of the world’s population does not understand. We did not choose to be this way. Alcoholism is a disease much like diabetes. We were born with it and there is nothing we can do about it but choose to live a life of complete abstinence. Those of us who have found a new sense of serenity and peace through the twelve-step program are wonderful people who are full of potential. We should not be underestimated because we have found a way to crawl from hell and live happy fulfilling lives, which is a feat that most can not even dream of.