Pursuing Vocation

Since I am an only child, my parents have had high hopes for me. My mother encouraged me to become an architect, that quickly faded when I realized I hated math. Interestingly enough, I found I was good at it, but it did not appeal to me. I had a continued love for art, but became afraid in how to earn a living. Furthermore, I had thought a profession in art might ruin my love for it. In my early college years, I chose clinical psychology as a career track with the goal of becoming a counselor. Now that I think about it, I chose it because it was safe. One of my first classes at St. E’s was “Psychology and Religion,” which introduced me to the field of depth psychology. Initially I did not like it because it just seemed too abstract to me; I had a hard time grasping it. However, I found myself inexplicably drawn to the depth psychological approach. I believe this was my first calling, and fear prevented me from voicing my interests.

I also participated in the McNair scholar program. They taught us everything from picking a graduate school to writing a personal statement. When I told them my interests, I remember the strange looks. During the application process, I was repeatedly pushed toward applying to a more traditional program and I almost did. Then it finally hit me, who exactly am I doing that for? After a lot of deep thought and soul searching I did what I felt was right. Being driven by fear allowed me to be controlled by others and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I applied to schools that interested me, and in the end I chose P.

This I believe, one must listen to their inner voice. We can blame others all we want, but we are our own biggest obstacle to our goals. I feel that it is necessary to address your goals on a consistent basis. This is because it is easy to lose sight of the big picture. Or rather I should say one can lose sight of their own big picture. I believe there is too much emphasis on the traditional and not enough encouragement for those who think outside the box. A calling is a process. And chances are others around you may not be understanding although they may love and support you. If I had to do it all over again, I would have voiced my real interests sooner. I have heard my calling and I am still working on answering it. I still have a lot of fear about what lies ahead. Sometimes I feel lucky to know where my heart is going. Other times I feel overwhelmed and I cannot believe I have gotten to this place. The truth is, I know what direction I need to go, but still unsure where the path may lead me.