Help Is Hard But Worth It

Chelsea - Tonawanda, New York
Entered on October 4, 2011
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: courage
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I believe as difficult as it may be, sometimes asking for help is the best thing to do. No one ever wants to admit they have a problem or they need help, that they can’t take care of themselves. But I had to do just that.

For the past 3 years I’ve very bad chronic knee pain I have been to 8 different doctors but no one knew what was wrong so they just kept referring me to some new. Each doctor said they knew what was wrong and they promised they’d fix me. None of them did, over time the pain progressively got worse. I had to miss out on a lot of things, junior and senior prom, and I had to be homeschooled. Needless to say this was very overwhelming and it was making me very unhappy. I just kept ignoring it though, going through my day like nothing was wrong. I thought that maybe if I ignored it, it would just go away. Of course this was only making it worse. I didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on. I was scared they would judge me so I just kept letting it build up and up. Throughout the summer it got a lot worse. I was thinking and doing things I knew I shouldn’t be. I knew I had to do something. I started off just telling one or two friends what was going on. They were very supportive and understanding and wanted to be there for me. I was starting to feel a little better, but it was short lived. I could tell my friends were worried about me; I didn’t want to stress them out and make them feel like they always had to check up on me. So told them I was feeling better and stopped talking to them about it all together. After that my depression and pain got so bad I didn’t want to leave my house or be with my friends or anything. I was crying all the time and I was lashing out at everyone I didn’t mean to but I just couldn’t control it. I knew it was time I really had to do something for my health. After a couple weeks I had built up enough courage to tell my mom that I think I should go to therapy, I didn’t tell her why I just told her I needed it. She didn’t ask questions she just said okay.

I haven’t even started therapy yet but I already feel a little better, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As hard as it was I admitting I need help was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. We all need someone to lean on sometimes, someone just to be there for you and say it will be okay. Admitting you need help doesn’t mean you’re weak; it simply means you’re human.