Not So Boring After All

Boring. Rude. Arrogant. Those are the assumptions that go hand in hand with being shy. People do judge – whether they realize it or not – based on the way we look, act and speak. So when you speak to someone and are acknowledged with only a nod, you are bound to interpret that small gesture in more ways than one. What people don’t understand about me is that those insignificant actions are not meant to be rude – they are not meant to be snide. If I don’t know you I usually try not to reply with words – because I know, at one point or another, something inappropriate will slip out. It may sound rude, when really I don’t have anything else to say, so I resort to my crude sense of humor. But we all know things almost never come across the way they’re meant.

Sometimes I wonder – have I always been this quiet? I can’t think of a time when I wasn’t hesitant about speaking to someone I haven’t known for years. But I know there was a point in my life when I wasn’t afraid all the time, when I felt confident enough to speak my mind and could actually make conversation without that nagging anxiety at the back of my mind. But somewhere along the way between here and there people unknowingly put me down. They laughed at what I did, or at the ridiculous words I was speaking. Or even when someone doesn’t understand my sense of humor – that one judgmental glance that I replay over and over in my mind has an impact on how I present myself in front of others. And who knows – they could’ve said something else entirely but, as always, the true meaning was lost in my mind.

You never really realize how much you change the people in your life. You judge other people by the way they act, yet you are part of the reason they are that way. You wonder why people turn out shy, mean, overbearing or unassertive. You wonder why people become anorexic, or fat, or self abusive. It is because people in their life told them certain things (whether they were truthful or not) that changed the way they looked at themselves, and thus changed the way they behaved – and changed the shape of their over all outlook on life. I can’t say that I have never been angry and told someone a terrible lie – or the bitter truth, for the sole purpose of making myself feel better, and I can’t say that all of you have. I am not blaming you for the stupid things I have done. All I’m saying is be aware. I believe you have the power to change people, and in turn change yourself. The only question is, what kind of person do you want to be?