Is balance even possible? Can it be found in a day in age where everything reaps instant gratification and the idea of “what can you do for me” seems even harder to balance out the ends and odds of life? When do you do what you want to do instead of what other people obligate you to do, being pushed and pulled in different directions to make friends, family, and your significant other happy? Does a good heart make a stressed out individual? Where is the balance?
I can think of a weekend in particular where my family, friends, and girlfriends all made me lose control of the see-saw. The weekend on 4th of July, my girlfriend had been tired from a long month of ups and downs personally and professionally. She was really looking forward to a long weekend where we could just sit, relax, and spend some quality time with one another. Last and not least, my mother desired for her two sons to be around since my brother was in town from College. How can I incorporate everyone and give them what they want without making the other one upset, and oh yeah, what do I really want? Lots of individuals say this cause for prioritizing but I don’t relate priorities with balance. Balance is this constant evolving thing that at any time can be changed. It can’t be figured out but constantly work at.
My mom’s situation always put me in an uneasy place simply because my sister recently passed away in an unexpected car wreck. I realize my role in my family; call me when you need something done and because this I feel a bit used at times so it created some distance with me and my family. So when my mom’s calls me to come home because my brothers in town she wants to see her boys, I feel such a strong obligation to make this happen. It could be because of the guiltiness I feel as if maybe I should’ve been around more, maybe I should’ve focus own myself so much , should’ve been closer to my family not just a get it done guy. I’ve realized that time is the most important thing on earth you can never have enough of it but you can’t buy it either a priceless. The facts that my sister passed away does it really change my dynamic in my family or just the circumstances. I’m always torn between what my mother and brother wants me to do and ultimately what I want to do. Taking the time to spend at my mother’s house just kills me when I have to walk by my sister’s room it’s like walking by a tomb. I can’t balance out what’s best for my family or what best for me. It’s the feeling we have that causes the shift in balance.
The question of finding balance becomes more and more difficult as I know more people. Balance and loyalty will forever be shifted and manipulated to the point a clear head and a good conscience should lead to this ever evolving question, how you find balance, something I will be searching a lifetime for.