The Strength to Defy.

There was a point in my life where I was meek and quiet. My husband, Chris, controlled my every move, from what I wore to dinner to where I worked. The worst part was I felt this was ok, because that was my duty as a wife. This all changed the moment I knew there was to be another child in our lives.

This was our second pregnancy. Chris had already accomplished what his family expected of him, an honest wife and a brilliant daughter that is the spitting image of him. He loved his child so his next command was incomprehensible. He wanted me to abort the life growing in my womb. I begged, and I pleaded but it was no use. He had made his decision.

I sit in the consultation room, tears pouring from my eyes. My heart was breaking, my soul diminishing. I listened to the nurses ramble on but all I heard was “this is your decision” muttered every couple sentences. In my mind I was screaming at the top of my lungs, pacing that office like a mother lion. Unfortunately, on the exterior I was still the submissive mouse I had always been. My appointment was set for the next day.

I had not so much as spoken a word for the past 24 hours and my eyes were puffy from the endless tears. It was time to go. My husband comforted me and then urged me towards the car. I felt lost, hopeless, and was obviously not in control of my life. This was not what I wanted for myself anymore. We stopped for gas and I knew what I had to do.

The handle to the door felt as if it was weighted by a thousand elephants, my palms sweaty, my heart racing, I jolted from the car. My husband astonished by my defiance, followed me and tried to persuade me back into the car. I turned to him and for the first time I stood whole heartedly for my belief. There was a tone in my voice that was unrecognizable, an urgency so liberating. It was strength. I told him I felt so small in his world, like a captive chained by a curse of loyalty. I wanted this child, and it was my decision. I was leaving him.

Emily Grace was born the following April and looks just like me. She is bold, fearless and beautiful. When I look into those bright blue eyes I rejoice life. Her presence is a constant reminder of my strength.

I have not been the same person since that day, I stand up for myself now, and I no longer let people walk all over me. I can face the future with confidence. I am strong, this I believe.