This I Believe

Growing was not easy according to most onlookers. I was raised in a very strict Christian environment with many, many rules. Church twice on Sundays and several times during the week was the normal practice. My father had several different jobs during his earlier years. The two that I knew best were that of pastor and furniture salesman. While my three sisters and I lived in the house we never questioned our beliefs. We had a pretty good life. During my childhood I almost died due to an undiagnosed congenital kidney defect at the age of 10. I spent a lot of time in hospitals. After the reconstruction surgeries from ages 10 to 16 failed my left kidney was finally removed. This event in my life seemed more of a trial for my parents than for me.

I spent two of my high school summers on mission’s trips to third world countries such as the Philippines. During my second summer I met a young man named J.Paul. He shortly thereafter became my fiancT. My nightmare was about to begin. My mother had a severe allergic reaction to a drug given at the dentist’s office, ended up in a coma, and almost died. She survived her ordeal only to be paralyzed and wheelchair bound. Now J.Paul moved here from California. He had only lived here for one month until that fateful morning in January. I received the news that J.Paul was critical condition at the hospital from a freak car accident. He eventually succumbed to his injuries. Being new to grief I still had my faith intact.

After graduation, I moved to J.Paul’s parent’s home in California. I lived there for only several months before I started to question everything I believed. I started doing drugs, smoking, drinking heavily, and partying. All went against my beliefs which I had abandoned. During that time I met a guy and shortly thereafter found myself pregnant. I got married quickly knowing my parents would be greatly disappointed. They were but they learned to love my new husband and accept my marriage. Everything was great until I awoke to my daughter blue and lifeless. An autopsy later showed the cause was acute pneumonia. I remember crying out to God asking what was the purpose to all of this. How could God who is so loving let this happen? This time I chose not to abandon my faith, but to cling to it. It didn’t seem fair, but life isn’t fair. God never promised us that. He only promised to be there for us when things do happen.

I can now say that my faith is stronger than ever. If it weren’t for my faith that God is in control I don’t know how I could have survived. My life is not perfect and never will be until I reach heaven, but I am choosing to believe in the faith that continues to hold me during good and bad times.